Torn Inside
by HopelessDreamer56
Summary: After the death of his mother, Roxas has to cope with living with his abusive father and the fact that his forever long crush, Axel, won't look at him. Roxas finally gathers up his courage, but Axel shoots him down before Roxas even gets the chance. How does one deal with losing their only bit of happiness? AkuRoku/child abuse/self-abuse
1. Going Downhill

Oh, this is stupid. Well, I couldn't think of anything better. Maybe I'll look back on this one day and laugh. That is, if I ever remember how to. I haven't laughed in a long time. Not since my mother died. I was about six or so; I don't remember too much of it. Probably my way of "coping" or some bull shit like that. Ever since then, my father's been drinking a lot and blaming me for her death. He says that since I couldn't have just walk home from my elementary school at like ten at night in the middle of winter, and Mom had to come get me, that it's my fault.

I know Mom doesn't blame me, though. I should know. I was there when she died. She told me herself that she came to get me because she loved me and didn't want me to get hurt. She was just being a good mother and protecting her son. She loved me. That's all I needed to know. As long as I never forgot that, I could take anything my father threw at me. Literally.

* * *

"Hey, boy, get your ass up! I am not dragging you to school if you miss the damn bus!" my father called up the stairs. Yeah, like I was actually asleep. Not after last night, how he once again got drunk and decided it was a good idea to tie me to the kitchen table and kick me with the biggest pair of boots he had. I think one or two of my ribs are cracked. Well that's just fucking perfect. And yet, which seriously surprised me, he managed not to hit anything while on his rampage that couldn't be covered with a bandage or hoodie. Maybe he wasn't as drunk as I thought, the bastard.

I got up as fast I could, wincing at the pain and slightly limping to my bathroom. I'd have to go see Aerith when I got to school. Aerith, the school nurse, had figured out the abuse long ago, but I had her promise not to tell anyone unless it got too bad. She had been my Mom's best friend, so of course she was worried about me. But I didn't want to get her too involved, no matter how close she was to me. I had to protect her.

I quickly threw on my wristbands, hoodie, and a pair of sneakers before popping a few mints in my mouth and running a bit of gel through my hair. I did a quick look over in my slightly cracked mirror (which my father thought it would be funny to slam my head against) before grabbing my bag and heading down quietly to the kitchen. I threw a juice box and a bag of chips in my bag for lunch before my father could realize I had left my room.

"Roxas," my father huffed, making me cringe a bit and almost drop my bag. That would've been bad. I stepped over to the form slumped over on the couch that was my father and tried so very hard no to look him in the eye. "When do report cards come out?"

"N-Next Friday…" I answered, my voice cracking slightly.

"Good. I'm going to visit your mother then. If your grades are satisfactory, I just may allow you to come." Oh my god. Was he serious? It could've been some sick game (I was fully aware of that possibility) but then again… he has no reason to joke when it comes to Mom. He never would. He must've either had a really bad hangover or he was actually sober for once. I always had to either sneak out at night or ditch a few classes to see Mom…

"Really?" I exclaimed, a wide smile plastered on my face. I was still a tad wary about my father's sudden change of heart, but I could care less at the moment. Maybe for once we could go to her grave together. That would make Mom happy.

"Yeah, you better be grateful. I'll be expecting all your chores to be done without me telling you, as well, so don't get all comfy," he instructed. Even though he never tells me to, he just expects them. Then flips shit whether they're done or not. Either way, I nodded my head. "Now get to school before I change my mind!" he shouted, throwing an empty beer bottle at my head. I dodged, just barely missing the shattering glass, and bolted out the door.

I somehow made it to the bus just before it left and took my usual seat right behind the driver. I jammed my earbuds in and turned on the loudest song I had. I loved the bus ride to and from school. It was the only time I could just clear my mind and get lost in my music. That feeling of having nothing to worry about, nothing hanging over your head, I just loved it. But of course, every good thing has to end. I could only ever get two or three songs worth of bliss before I had to grace the school with my presence. Joy.

As soon as I got in the school, I went straight to our usual spot to meet up with Cloud, Tifa, and Vincent. After saying my hellos and such I went off to the nurse to have Aerith check on me. It took a little bit to get her to stop fussing over me and just check my abdomen, but she did. Nothing major, just some really big bruises that should go down in a few weeks with some ice. Just got to make sure not to get them any worse. Well there was a challenge.

My first two classes blew by fairly quickly. I think I kept dozing out or something cuz I don't remember much of the morning after Aerith. Besides, third period was all I actually was looking forward to. "Hey, Roooooox~" a voice chimed in as I walked into the classroom. Axel. One of my best friends and secret crush since the beginning of the school year. It didn't matter what kind of shit mood I was in, Axel always found a way to make me smile and forget my troubles, if only for a moment.

"Hey, Axel," I smiled back, taking my seat behind him. I was obviously in one of my moods again, but I could tell Axel was also pretty upset, too, since he recently got dumped by this girl he really liked. I wanted to help, but he wouldn't let me. He was more interested in helping hopeless little Roxas feel a bit better about his meaningless existence. He's just so nice… "Axel?" I asked, poking his back with my pencil to get his attention.

"Yeah?" he turned to face me, his emerald eyes trying to find something in mine. He took my hand in his and started lightly rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. God, he flirted with me so much in class it was killing me. But no more.

"Uhm, my club is having a party after school and I was wondering, if maybe you would like to come and hang out for a bit," I nervously asked.

"I'll see if I can, but I'd love to come," he said, smirking and making my heart skip a beat. I could never get enough of his smile. It was the only bit of joy I had anymore, really. But I know what you're thinking. 'Roxas, if an after school activity is what pretty much got your mother killed, then why would you still go?' Well, my club never lasts more than two hours so there's still plenty of light for me to walk home. I don't ever ask for rides and I don't accept offers. So there's your answer.

Last period could not have gone any slower. I knew the chance of Axel actually showing up was slim, but it didn't stop my heart from racing at the thought of getting to spend time with my crush. To my great pleasure, he was actually there! Maybe I, for once, could try to cheer him up during this two hour period.

I think I helped. I mean, he seemed like he was happy. Maybe I actually did something right for once! Apparently I did something, because after the party, Axel offered to walk home with me since we lived in the same general direction. Hell yeah, I accepted!

* * *

"Hey, Roxas?" Axel asked, breaking the slightly awkward silence that worked its way into our walk home. "How would you feel… about being my boyfriend?"

My heart stopped. Wait a second. Did he seriously ask what I think he just asked? Am I dreaming? Holy shit. Oh my god. Please, no one wake me up if this is a dream.

"I mean, you know, in a sense as that you're my best friend and I treat you as I would a boyfriend and always be there for you and stuff," he added, waking me up from my dream. Wait, more like loaded into a rifle and shot through my heart ten times over.

"So, you mean… like a fake boyfriend?" I asked, trying not to stutter or reveal my inner death.

"Yeah, a fake boyfriend!" he clarified. Well, 'stabbed' may be a better word. But you get the point.

"Oh… Yeah, that makes sense… Sure, Axel… I'll be your fake boyfriend," I half-heartedly agreed, despite the word 'fake' tearing me apart. He smiled warmly and leaned down in front of me, making me freeze completely. He kissed me on my cheek; putting salt in the wound, said goodbye then went up to his apartment. I stayed still for a few more moments, the shock of what just occurred settling in.

Tears stung my eyes and threatened to fall, but I kept them in. If I came home crying, my father would never let me live it down. I turned to a wall and punched it with every ounce of force I could muster. "Damn it!" I shouted, feeling the skin on my knuckles break.

* * *

If the emotional pain and numbing pain in my bloody hand wasn't bad enough, the second I stepped into my house, my father started chucking whatever he could get his hands on towards my head. I managed to dodge the first few things he threw, but got knocked down when he swung the side table lamp at my stomach. My back was then happily met with a dining room chair and one of my father's baseball bats. Yeah, sleeping and walking was going to be a bitch to do for a while. Eventually he got bored, called me a few names, scolded me for not having my homework done, and then stomped up to his room.

I crawled up the stairs to my own room and struggled to climb into my bed, grunting at the immense pain in my back. As much as I would've loved to stay there and focus on the physical pain alone, that was obviously not going to happen. What Axel said and did lingered over me and made me want to curl up in a little ball and just die. He shot down pretty much my only little bit of happiness in my miserable life and didn't even realize it. Fuck my life.

I kept the lights off and closed the blinds, drowning my room in darkness. I layed down on my bed and blasted music in my head; one song on repeat. Only music could ever make me feel better. If only I could just forget. But trying _not_ to like Axel was proving to be difficult.

Now that my heart has been torn to little bitty pieces, and my only shred of happiness just left me in the dust, I guessed it was time for me to move on. The only thing keeping me from killing myself at this point was my Mom. The fact that she died trying to keep me safe and that she loved me. That's it. There was nothing else for me anymore.

Fuck. Why isn't the music making me feel better? I know it's a depressing song, but usually this works. It makes me feel like I'm not the only depressed person out there, or some shit like that. I don't even know. God… I… It's making me feel more like shit than I already am… God… Oh my god. I think I'm starting to freak out… Shitshitshitshit…

I rushed to the bathroom and locked the door, sliding down against it despite the terrible pain in my back. I pulled my knees up to my chest and held my head tightly in my hands, breathing heavily. 'Why the hell am I freaking out…? How do I make it stop…?' I looked over on my sink counter and saw my razor… I was too young to actually use it, but my father had me buy one anyway… Maybe… Maybe if I just let the adrenaline flow out… Maybe I could feel better that way…

I grabbed the razor and set it against my wrist. _'Am… Am I really going to do this…?'_ My hand started trembling, and I started freaking out even more. I just wanted it all to end! I closed my eyes as tight as I could and dragged the blade across my skin. I let out a shaky breath as the blood started flowing out of my wrist. It actually… didn't hurt as bad as I thought… It actually felt… really… good…

I felt all of my emotions flow out of me along with my blood as I started to calm down. I mindlessly watched the blood start to flow a little harder and start dripping on the floor. Damn, that was a nice shade of red… I wish I could paint it… Paint the entire canvas this wonderful color. Add something in the corner, maybe a pale yellow and some clear blue. Yes, that would look nice.

Wait, am I seriously thinking that? I snapped out of my trance as the reality of what I did finally came to light. _'Blood.'_ I quickly grabbed a wad of toilet paper and pressed it to my wrist to try and stop the bleeding. _'Blood.'_ I went to the medicine cabinet above the sink and grabbed the gauze. _'Blood.'_ Keeping the toilet paper where it was, I wrapped the gauze securely around my wrist.

I took deep, uneven breaths as I poorly tried to calm myself down. I just cut myself. I put a razor to my wrist and applied pressure. I… I… It felt good. Why did it work better than the music? Maybe it was the pain metaphorically flowing out? But how does that even work? I don't care, it helped. My pain was lessened, and I liked the feeling of the blood flowing out of me. The look of it calmed me. The beautiful warm red liquid covered my arm, and I…liked it?

* * *

The next day I tried to make myself more discreet than normal. I kept my sleeves rolled down all day even though it was really fucking hot in the school. I made sure to keep the gauze on and wear my wristbands just in case, though.

I made sure to keep clear of Axel all day, and it seriously helped that I had no classes with him today. I walked in the cafeteria and took my usual seat next to Vincent and pulled out my sketch book. I loved Vincent at times like these. He didn't ask questions, he was mostly the silent type. I zoned out as my pencil flew across the paper and created what my heart reflected. By the time I finished, I felt a hand on my shoulder that scared the shit out of me.

"Roxas, it's just me," Cloud reminded, calming me down from my mini heart attack. "Are you okay? You've been acting weird all day." I glanced over to Tifa, who was staring at my sketch book with a worried expression. I looked back to my work to see that I had sketched the picture I had in mind when I cut myself.

It was a boy hidden deep in the corner of a dark room, tears pouring out of his eyes and deep cuts all over his body. Splattered on the walls was the life that most likely came from the boy's own body. What seemed to bother me, though… was the fact that I drew the boy smiling.

I quickly closed my sketch book and shoved it back into my backpack. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine, Cloud… Just a little tired." Cloud obviously didn't buy it for one second, but I knew he wasn't going to press the issue unless he felt a serious need to. Tifa just glanced at me, following Cloud and taking a seat next to him as he sat next to Vincent.

Lunch went by fairly quickly. I didn't eat anything because I woke up a bit late and didn't have time to sneak anything from the kitchen. I wasn't that hungry, anyway. I was still a little messed up about my actions from last night. Cloud, Vincent, and Tifa kept sending me questionably worried glances, but I kept ignoring them and continued working on my sketch. When I got home, I planned on adding color to it. It'd look pretty badass when I got done with it.

After lunch, I waited for Cloud to say bye to Tifa (which all but killed me, considering they kissed). I got bored and annoyed slightly by watching them make out in the middle of the hall, so I turned to head off to study block on my own after saying bye to Vincent. Cloud must've seen me take off because I heard him give Tifa one last peck and chase after me.

"Roxas!" Cloud called, grabbing my wrist before I could get away. Just my luck, it was the wrist I cut and I yelped out in pain and snatched my hand away. "Roxas, what's wrong? What did you do to your hand?"

"Nothing, Cloud. I just fell on it the other day, and it's still bothering me, that's all," I lied. There was no way in hell I would tell Cloud that I cut. I don't care if he's my best friend, it would only make him mad at me. I was already plenty mad at myself, I didn't need Cloud to be, too.

Again, Cloud obviously didn't believe me. I knew he would try something later this time, but right now, we had to get to class. "Roxas… You know you can tell me anything, right?" Cloud asked with a hurt expression. I felt bad for making him worry, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him…

"I know, Cloud. But I really don't have anything to tell you except for the fact that if you drag this conversation out any further, then we're gonna be late," I pointed out, trying to dodge any of Cloud's questions for the moment and escape to the silence of study block. Cloud seemed to have decided to drop the topic, considering he started quickening his pace to get to class.

Crisis avoided. For now.

* * *

I got home and my father wasn't there. Maybe he got held up at work or something. I didn't care, I was just thankful he wasn't here to give me shit. I really couldn't deal with it at the moment. I walked up to my room and flopped on the bed, just staring at the wall. I really didn't have anything to do. Not even homework. So now I was bored, depressed, and still guilty. Fuck.

I was starting to doze off when my phone vibrated violently in my pocket. Growling a bit, I pulled my phone out and glared at it, seeing it was Cloud.

From: Cloud [2:54 PM]  
dude, are you okay? Talk to me…

From: Roxy [2:55 PM]  
Cloud, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong.

From: Cloud [2:56 PM]  
is it your dad again…?

Yes, Cloud knew about my father. He came over to hang out for a bit and when I went downstairs to get us something to drink, my father caught me and started accusing me of being gay for Cloud, which I'm obviously not. He walked in on my dad throwing me against the fridge. Cloud stood up for me, but was kicked out of my house forever. He still stayed my best friend, though, and I've always appreciated that.

From: Roxy [2:57 PM]  
No, not this time.

From: Cloud [2:58 PM]  
then what is it? Roxas please let me help.

From: Roxy [3:02 PM]  
Axel… asked me something…

Yes, he also knew I've had a major crush on Axel since I met him. He was the only one who knew, though. He always supported me, but I've always been too shy to actually do anything.

From: Cloud [3:03 PM]  
really? Did he finally ask you out? Roxy, that's amazing! What'd you say? Yes, of course. You said yes, didn't you?

From: Roxy [3:05 PM]  
No, Cloud… he didn't ask me out… He… asked me to be his fake boyfriend…

From: Cloud [3:06 PM]  
fake boyfriend? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

From: Roxy [3:07 PM]  
Hell if I know… Cloud… I feel so dead inside…

From: Cloud [3:08 PM]  
I'd be worried if you weren't. do you want me to come over?

I smiled at that. Cloud was always looking out for me. He'd risk being caught by my father to come and keep me sane. What did I do to deserve a best friend like him?

From: Roxy [3:10 PM]  
My father's not home right now, but I don't know when he'll be back.

From: Cloud [3:11 PM]  
that's fine. I'll just have to be even more ninja now won't i? ;3

God, I loved Cloud. I smiled as I set my phone down next to me and waited for him to ninja his way through my window and into my room. My wrist started stinging a bit with this slightly numbing pain. Ow. I probably should've disinfected it or something. Oh well. This kind of pain feels good, too. I'm still trying to figure out how, but right now I could really care less. I just needed something to help me take my mind off things and if pain was the answer, then I could give a shit. I fell asleep to the sound of the wind gently flowing into my room from the open window and the soothing sting in my wrist.

"Rooooooxas," I heard but ignored. Damn, I probably should've gone to bed last night. I'm so tired. "Roxas, rise and shine," the voice persisted. I curled into a tighter ball, letting the person know I just wanted some damn sleep. "Roxas, c'mon, especially after I came all the way over here." What? Oh, Cloud.

"Then, come snuggle with me, Clooouuuddd. I'm tiiiiired," I whined. I know he came over to talk, but I couldn't help it. My bed is too comfortable.

"If I must, your majesty," he smirked, getting into my bed and lying down beside me, my back to him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to his chest. "This help?" he asked.

"Mhmm," I smiled in victory. Snuggling with Cloud always made me feel better, even when we were kids. But right now, I really just needed someone to hold me. "Cloud, thank you."

"Anytime, buddy. I'm always here for you." I fell back asleep, Cloud following suit. It wasn't until about an hour later when I was woken up by the front door slamming loudly against the frame.

"Hey, shit head! Get your ass down here!" I kicked Cloud out of the bed and quickly tried to get him to climb back out of the window so my father didn't catch him here.

"Roxas, I can't just leave you! Besides, we still need to talk about Axel," he pointed out.

"Then hide in the bathroom, just shut up!" I ordered, shoving my friend into the bathroom. I rushed downstairs and waited at the base for my father to tell me what he wanted. "Yes, father?"

"I had a bad day at work; my boss was being a dick again. Go down to the liquor store and get me a few bottles," he said.

"But father, I'm underage. I can't buy alcohol," I quietly mentioned.

"Are you talking back to me?" Shit, I shouldn't have done that. I cringed and took a step back, which was yet another mistake. "Now you're trying to get out of punishment? Oh no, we can't have that, Roxas. You need to learn to obey your father when he tells you to do something."

"I-I am, father," I whimpered. "I was just going to get my wallet." I know it was a poor excuse, but who could think in a situation like this?

"Roxas!" I heard. But not from my father. Shit, please tell me my ears are just playing tricks on me. Dear god, PLEASE. "Roxas, get away from him!"

"You? What the hell are you doing in my house, Strife?" No! Cloud! What did he think he was doing? My father then death gripped my hair, slamming me down to my knees. "I knew it! I knew you were doing something with this scum! Even after I deliberately told you to stay away from him! Are you stupid, or what? Why can't you ever listen to me, you poor excuse for anything!" he shouted. He gripped my hair tighter and picked me up, spitting in my face and throwing me across the room. I hit the wall seriously hard, enough so that I was losing consciousness.

"Roxas!" I heard Cloud scream. I could hear him rush down the stairs, but he was cut off by my father slamming him against the wall.

"What made you think it was okay to touch my son? You have no right, you dirty little slut!" Their words were beginning to get muffled, but I could somehow still make out what they were saying.

"What the hell possessed you to believe I did anything like that with Roxas?" Cloud shouted back.

"Oh so now he's not good enough? Wouldn't surprise me, he's not even worth keeping around, let alone pleasing his little toy!" I heard grunts and the sound of fists making contact with their opponents. The rest of this scuffle was lost to me because, against all of my will power, darkness overcame me.

* * *

**100 Theme Challenge: I. Can't.  
God, I have not written first person for quite a while .-. Also never wrote a cut scene :T I hope this is okay..  
This originally started out as a vent fic and was only going to have 3 chapters, but I just put so much stuff in this one, that I had to split it up, lol.  
Well, meh. More chapters. Wheeeee.  
Pfft, well yeah. R&R, favs, and all that chiz would be quite lovely~ Virtual cookies for all!**

**Characters (c) to SQUARE ENIX  
Song: "Trying Not To Love You" by Nickelback**


	2. Standing Up

"Mommy!" I called as the rain fell heavily onto both mine and my mother's bodies. Tears were freely pouring out of my eyes and staining my pale skin. There was blood pooling out of my mom's stomach from a piece of the windshield that struck her as the other car did. "Mommy, please don't die!"

Her breathing was becoming more and more shallow by the second and her skin was getting colder and colder. The rain most certainly wasn't helping. "Roxas…" she struggled to whisper. I clasped her freezing hand tightly in mine as she tried to raise it to my cheek.

"Yes, I'm here, Mommy!" I reminded her. "Mommy, you didn't have to come get me! If you just let me walk home, then you wouldn't have been hurt!"

Despite her current situation, Mommy still managed a small laugh. "You're so… silly, my sweet Roxas… I came because… you would've gotten… hurt if I… let you walk… I did it… because I love you…" she explained in her raspy voice. I cried harder, if that was even possible.

"Mommy… I love you, too…" I sniffled. "Mommy, please don't leave me…!" She looked into my tear filled eyes with her dull, gentle ones. She tried to grip my hand back, but I could tell it was a serious task for her. I couldn't stand seeing my mommy – my strong, kind, helpful, fun, warm mommy – this weak.

Her eyes slowly shut and her slow, almost non-existent breathing stopped.

She was dead.

As this reality came into affect, the world around me started crumbling. Suddenly, my mother was no longer in my arms and the wreck surrounding us vanished. Darkness pooled around my feet and I started being drowned into it. I screamed and screamed for help, but my voice wouldn't work and my efforts were meaningless. As soon as I was fully engulfed in the darkness, my mind went blank. All the stressful thoughts I came to know as "normal" were gone. Man, did that feel nice…

"Roxas!" I heard someone call. The voice was vaguely familiar. I could tell it seriously wanted to come into contact with me, but this overwhelming darkness and warmth was just too comfortable to give up just yet. It was so peaceful here. No one to pressure me, hurt me, break me. Just me and silence.

"Roxas, wake up!" the voice persisted. What was with people being so persistent, anyway? Why couldn't they just leave me alone? What did they find just so damn interesting? I will never understand people. "Roxas, if you don't wake up in 10 seconds, I'm going to pour a bucket of ice water on your head! Got it memorized?" Oh shit.

Please tell me that that was some coma induced illusion. Please tell me Axel wasn't here right now. Please, anything but that. Now I definitely wasn't going to wake up. I was just gonna chill here in the darkness. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. If I opened my eyes and ended up staring right into those pools of emerald, I may just go insane. I couldn't take it. I would fall apart.

"Axel, back up a bit," Cloud instructed. Oh, thank god Cloud was still here. Wait a second. Where /was/ here? Was I still at my house? Wait… Cloud! My eyes shot open and I quickly sat up as the memories of what just occurred came back to me, but I was practically blinded by a flash of the brightest red on the whole freaking planet. "Woah, Roxas! Don't sit up so suddenly!" Cloud scolded, pushing me back onto the floor.

I looked around and noticed I was on the living room floor in my house. So that means neither me nor Cloud was hurt enough to go to a hospital. So wait… "Where's my father?" I asked, my voice hoarse and MOTHER OF HELL did my head hurt! It started throbbing really hard and I grunted in pain. It felt like my skull was on fire and was being ripped in half!

I curled into a ball and gripped my head with everything I had. I felt someone grab my hands and pry them off my head and grasp them tightly. "Roxas, calm down," someone gently said in my ear. I wasn't exactly paying attention, though. I scrunched my eyes close tight and tried to magically will the pain away. Wasn't working so well. I ripped my hands away from whoever took them and returned them to my head. FUCK, this hurts!

I felt a hand entangle itself in my blonde locks and gently start massaging my scalp which, surprisingly, helped tremendously. I pried an eye open and saw that it was "Axel?"

"Yeah, I'm here, buddy," he smiled down to me. I tried to glare at him, but he just chuckled and continued rubbing my scalp. "How bad does it hurt, Roxy?" he asked calmly.

"Like HELL, you dumbass!" I shouted. What the hell was he doing here anyway? I glared over at Cloud with my silent answer and he mouthed the words "I called him." Why the hell would he call Axel? Before I could manage to ask any more questions, another wave of pain crashed over me and I was lost.

* * *

_Beep… Beep… Beep..._

Damn, what was that beeping? It was really irritating.

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

Wait, where was I this time? Or am I still at home? These are important questions, people! Answers would be just lovely! Maybe I should wake up and ask them.

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

I peered open my eyes but quickly shut them again, shielding my face with my arm, due to a bright as hell light shining right over my face. _'Whoever put a fucking light right above my face is getting shot,'_ I angrily thought. I grunted annoyingly and heard someone gasp as a response.

"Roxas!" they exclaimed. I felt them apply pressure to one side of my bed as they rushed to my side. "Roxas, you're up! How're you feeling?" I raised an arm over my eyes as I opened them and tried to glare at… Axel?

"What're you doing here?" I grumbled. "Where am I? What the hell happened?"

"One at a time, Roxy," Axel smiled, bile rising to my throat at the sound of his voice using my nickname. "First, I'm here because I'm worried about you. Second, you're in the hospital. Third… Well, I think Cloud should tell you. I'll go tell him you're awake," Axel explained giving my hand a light squeeze before leaving to hunt down Cloud.

I took the opportunity to look around my room and noticed that there pretty much was nothing here. The small room contained the bed I was wrapped up in, a few monitors on hooked up to me on my side (a heart monitor, which explained the beeping), a small couch across from me, and a crappy TV mounted in the corner. Cozy.

A few moments later, Cloud came in the room and took Axel's seat next to my bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I would rather not have a head right now, but other than that; just fucking peachy," I said, obviously pissed; mostly because I was still waiting on answers. "Now can you tell me what happened?"

"When did you black out?" he asked.

"I heard my father yell at you, but I can't remember what it was. Other than that, just you at the top of the stairs telling me to run away," I explained. Why couldn't I remember anything else?

"Shit… Well, I guess now I have to give you the entire story," Cloud sighed. "After he threw you against the wall I tried to run over to you but your father cut me off and slammed me against the wall. He had me by the neck and was choking me," he started, showing me a bruise in the shape of a hand around his neck.

"He was yelling at me, saying things like we were… doing things. He said one too many things about you I didn't quite like so I ended up blindly kicking his ass. Damn, did it feel good to finally be able to do that!" he happily said, me smirking and motioning for him to just get on with it. "After I came to, I moved your father out into the garage and tied him to the water heater. Just as I was about to get to you, Axel was standing in the door way."

"What was he doing there?"

"He said he came over to return your flash drive and he heard the screaming so he came in on his own. Your father must've left the door unlocked." Oh, so that's why I couldn't find it. I lent it to Axel so he could use it to save one of his projects for school. "The doctors said you have a mild concussion and some slight brain damage, which is probably why you can't remember much of the other day."

"WHAT?" What did he mean by 'the other day'? How long was I out?

"You've been out for about a day and a half, Roxas…" I was somewhat relieved by that. At least I didn't miss too much. But I have brain damage… Do I not remember other things? Are they important? If they are… But wait.

"Cloud, you still didn't tell me where my father is," I pointed out.

"After you passed out again, I called the cops. Your father is in a cell awaiting trial for child abuse, attempt at murder, and a few counts of drunk driving," he said. My face paled. He was gone? In custody? He… He couldn't hurt me…?

No, there's no way that was possible. My father wouldn't have been found out so easily. He was smart in that department, at least. In the eight years since he snapped and started hitting me, he always managed to avoid being found out, no matter what happened. He knew a lot of people and most of them were lawyers or some other form of law work and always conveniently owed my father favors. Any time I tried to save myself or one of the neighbors cleverly caught on, the matter was swept away as if it was never there. I had come used to living that kind of lifestyle.

But just like that, he was in custody? Awaiting trial, at that? There was just no way. But Cloud never lies, about anything. Why would he lie now of all times? I had no choice but to believe him and just move on. "So what happens now?" I asked, the fear hinting obviously in my voice.

"Now, you rest. Tomorrow, we check you out and take you to my house. Next week, we go to your father's trial," Cloud explained.

"Okay… Sounds like a plan, I guess…" Alright then. My life has officially gone down the toilet. I feel like there's something else I've forgotten… but what could it be? "Hey, Cloud? Do you think when I get discharged we could do like a questionnaire thing or something? Just to make sure I haven't forgotten anything to major," I suggested. The brain damage was seriously scaring me.

"Yeah, sure, buddy. Anything you need," Cloud smiled. "I need to get home, but Axel is going to stay here in case you need anything, okay?"

"Uhm… Yeah, okay… See you tomorrow, Cloud." I faked a smile as he ruffled my hair a bit and left, probably to tell Axel he was leaving, then head on his way. I got bored and started mindlessly playing with my hands when I noticed I had a bandage wrapped around my wrist. What was that there for? I unwrapped it slowly and my eyes widened when I saw that there was a deep cut in my wrist. _'How the hell did that get there?' _Did my father ever cut me? Not that I can remember… Besides, he's never used knives on me before… Then… Then did I do this…? W-Why would I cut myself? I mean, sure I was depressed… but what happened to make it so bad I cut myself?

As I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice Axel walk in and take his seat back. "Roxas?"

I looked up to him, my eyes wide and fear and confusion clearly visible. "Axel, what happened…? Where did this come from!" I asked, showing him my wrist. I don't know if I told Axel or not, but he might have some kind of idea.

Axel's eyes widened and he grabbed my hand, pulling it closer to him. "Roxas, wrap this back up!" he scolded, taking the bandages and quickly wrapping them back around my wrist. When he was finished, he took my hand into his and grasped it really tightly, sighing and letting his head droop. "No, Roxy… I don't know why that's there…" he whispered.

I looked away from him, slightly disappointed. I thought I told Axel everything. Apparently not. "Oh… Okay then… Well, thanks for wrapping it back up," I mumbled.

"No problem…" Well now this was awkward. What was I supposed to say now? Well… There is something I remember… But is now such a good time? Well… It's not like I have anything else to talk about… Plus, what if I forget about it later? I'd rather not take that chance, I guess.

"Hey… Axel? Can… Can I ask you something?" I nervously said. No turning back now.

"Anything, Roxas," he smiled, making my heart flutter.

"Well, something's been on my mind for a while now and now might not be the best time, but... Well what I'm trying to ask is... Would… I mean… Will you… No… Uhm… Well… The thing is… I, uhm…" I mentally kicked myself. Why couldn't I just say it? It was just a simple six word sentence, so why? Axel giggled a bit and just sat there, waiting for me to say it. He knew what I was going to ask, yet he let me struggle anyway. Bastard. "Would… Would you… Would you possibly… maybe… consider… think about… going out with me…?" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Roxas, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?" he asked in a mocking tone. He so heard me, the bastard.

"Would… Would you go out with me, Axel…?" I asked again, trying to hide behind my short bangs. Axel fell silent and let his head droop, his hands suddenly becoming very interesting. "Or have I asked you before…?"

"No… No, you've never asked me that, Roxas… It's just…" He fell silent again and instantly I felt like a crossed a giant line. I shouldn't have asked him. Now everything's all awkward! God, what have I done?

"I-It's fine, Axel! Ju-Just forget I said anything, it's okay," I nervously said, trying to take back my words so we could just go back to normal.

"Roxas, it's not okay," Axel said sadly, making me feel even more like shit. He was seriously good at doing that recently. Now I was scared he was going to say something like he didn't want to be my friend, or he was already with someone he didn't tell me about, or… or… I dunno; something worse than that! But he seriously surprised the hell out of me when he said, "It's great."

"…Haaa?" I asked in complete and utter disbelief. How the hell was that great? Where the hell did that even come from? "What do you mean?"

"Actually… I've liked you for a while now, Roxas…" he smiled, blushing a bit. _Axel_ – big, tough, badass sex-god Axel – was _blushing_. THE FUCK.

"R-Really…?" I stuttered. A sudden pain struck my heart, but I had no idea what it meant or why it was there, so I ignored it. For now.

Axel smiled and nodded. "Yeah… So… Yes, Roxas… I would like to go out with you," he said, taking my hand in his. Holyfuck. Ohmygod. Noway. Axel Akai did not just agree to go out with me. No way in hell did that just happen. I'm dreaming. Yup. That's what's going on. Wait. No I'm not! This is not a fucking dream! It's just the best thing to ever happen to me, that's what it is! I jumped up a bit out of my bed and wrapped my arms around Axel in a death hug.

"Oh my god, Axel, you have no idea how happy you just made me!" I exclaimed, my smile reaching my eyes honestly for the first time in a long time. He heard Axel chuckle and felt the older man's arms wrap snuggly around his waist.

"Glad I could be of service to you," he joked. I smiled and giggled again as he regrettably pushed me back onto the bed. "Now why don't you try to get some rest and tomorrow I'll drive you over to Cloud's," he suggested.

"But I want to hang out with you tomorrow, Axel," I whined cutely, pouting a bit. "Can't I?"

I could tell he was resisting my cuteness. That was a surprise. No one could resist my Roxy Charm that I had been perfecting since grade school. "As tempting as that sounds, you seriously just need to get some rest. When you're all better we can hang out all you want, okay?"

"Hmpf. I guess so," I grunted. Axel merely chuckled and ruffled my hair a bit.

"Would staying here till you fell asleep make you get some rest for me?" he bargained, getting comfortable in the crappy little chair set up next to my bed.

"Only if you don't sit in that chair," I said, pointing to the not-so-comfortable-but-better-than-a-shit-chair couch across the room. He smiled and got up to move over to the couch. Before he sat down, I asked him if, for tonight at least, he could stay at the hospital with me.

"Uhm, I dunno. Let me go see if I can," he said, getting up to go ask a nurse or someone. As soon as he left, I was already missing the warmth that Axel had brought to my cold hospital room. It always seemed colder when Axel wasn't in the room. He was like my own personal heater, and I loved it. I snuggled into my blankets more, trying to replicate some of that heat so my toes wouldn't freeze off my feet.

I was just about to pass out when I felt a big hand play my hair. My blue eyes fluttered open as they were met with gorgeous acidic green ones. "Go back to sleep, Roxy. I can stay, but I have to make sure you get some rest, okay?" he smiled, still stroking my hair in a soothing way. I nodded and drifted away with the soothing feel of Axel's hand in my hair.

* * *

When I woke up, the first thing that came to mind was that it was really fucking hot. Like someone turned the heat up to a bazillion degrees. At least my toes weren't cold. But nor were they alone. It took me a second before I realized I wasn't the only one in the small hospital bed. I opened my eyes and right in front of me was a dark gray covered chest cradling my face. I looked up and sure enough, Axel was sound asleep, his nose buried in my blonde locks. What was up with him and my hair?

His warm, even breathing through his nose blew onto my forehead and strangely, I found some comfort in that. I saw that my fist was bundled around his shirt and I did nothing but grasp onto it tighter. I also noticed that he had his strong arms wrapped snug around my small frame and when I readjusted myself a bit, he tightened his grip on me a bit and pulled me closer to his chest, which I happily snuggled into. God, he was so nice to sleep with. I didn't want this moment to end, not ever.

But there was this nagging feeling in the back of my skull. A feeling that said that maybe being with Axel like this was a mistake. That it's just not meant to happen. But if that was so, then why did it feel so right by simply thinking of the red-head? Well… I would dwell on this later. First things first. What the hell was Axel doing in my bed in the first place? And how did a nurse not notice this and come in to separate us? Yay for more questions. Whoo.

"Axel," I said just loud enough for him to hear me as I shook his shoulder a bit. His face scrunched up and he batted my hand away, not wanting to be woken up. 'Too bad.' I pushed his chest, attempting to just roll him off the bed but before he fell, he gripped me close to his body and we both ended up toppling onto the ground; me on top. "Owwwww….." I whined.

"Morning to you, too, Roxy," he smiled in victory. Bastard.

I hit him not too gently in his chest as I sat up, straddling his waist. "Why were you in my bed?" Axel smirked at our current position, making me blush, but I had him pinned so he could answer me. "Also, new rule. You are not allowed to keep me waiting when I ask a question. It's seriously gotten annoying recently."

"Yes, oh mighty Roxy," Axel chuckled. That damn chuckle, I loved it so. "You looked cold last night so I crawled into your bed and you were cold as ice! Damn, it took a long time to warm you up!" he exclaimed, me rolling my eyes. I was naturally a cold person, not my fault. He looked like he was hiding something else, but since I pushed him out of bed, I decided to let I it slide. For now.

"Oh… Thanks," I mumbled. Axel sat up, causing me to jerk back and almost fall out of his lap before he caught me and pulled me into his chest for a comforting hug.

"No problem," he whispered in my ear, clinging to me. I clung back and we ended up sitting on the floor for probably a good ten minutes or so. I was about to fall back asleep just like that, snuggled up on Axel's shoulder, when he picked me up and put me back in the bed. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket, frowning at the time. "Cloud should be here soon to discharge you and take you to his place. I got to go home, too…"

I looked back to my lap, my head hanging down. I didn't want Axel to leave just yet… "Okay…" I mumbled. Axel sat down on the side of the bed, pulling me into his warm side where I quickly snuggled back into. I just wanted to melt and stay in his warmth for all eternity right then and there. He placed a small kiss to my temple and rubbed his thumb up and down from its place on my shoulder in a soothing way.

"It's okay, Roxas. I'll text you all the time and I'll call you before you go to bed and when you wake up, okay? Don't worry, it'll be Monday before you know it," he said reassuringly. I smiled at him, kissing him back on his temple as he gave me one last squeeze before putting his shoes on.

He gave me one last look before he left the room and headed home. I have to admit, the whole time I was with axel, I thought not once about my father or the pain he has caused me. Just Axel and his warmth and comfort. He made me feel safe and I absolutely cherished that feeling. In a cheesy way, he was my sunshine. Pfft, I chuckled at that. I could be such a dweeb sometimes.

"Hey, I just saw Axel leave. You two have a nice night?" Cloud asked as he entered the room, bringing me out of my thoughts. I nodded, a slight warmness rising to my cheeks. "Good. You ready to go, then?" I nodded again, so definitely ready to get the hell out of this damn hospital room. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, looking around for my clothes. Before I could start rage quitting, Cloud appeared next to me with my backpack, most likely filled with my clothes. He also pointed next to the bathroom door where my shoes were placed.

I nodded my thanks, feeling a little embarrassed, and made my way to the bathroom to get out of this damn hospital gown. I was so thankful to be back in jeans again. I looked in the mirror above the sink after I washed my face and noticed something. My eyes. They didn't have their usual dullness. They seemed almost… brighter. I smiled, automatically knowing what the cause of such a change was. After getting ready, I grabbed my phone out of the bag just to see if I missed anything while I was out. Not much, just a few missed text messages. Meh, I'll check them later. Right now, I had somewhere to be.

* * *

**This took way too long to write.**  
**I could go on about how I started summer school, or how I had no motivation, or kept having writer's block, or almost scrapped this because I'm like "NO ONE LIKES THIS. FML.", but I shall not indulge. Don't want to bore you with the details of my life c:**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. I know it's kinda slow; not much happened, but fear not! I have the next chapter already planned out and shall have that started soon so yay C:**

**Also, thanks to Night-Witch-Watch-Out for giving me my first legit review since I started out on this site .u. you gave me the motivation I needed to get my ass in gear and finish this. You, my friend, get a whole virtual cake just for yourself. Cookies to all that others that reviwed/will hopefully review. I love you all~!  
**

**Well, I stayed up late to finish this. I have a big test tomorrow. I hope you all are happy. I'll pass it, don't worry, lol.**  
**Also, this is kinda an early birthday present to myself since I swore I would get this done. I have other projects I need to get started. But anyway, happy early birthday to me :3**  
**Lol I'm such a loser -brick'd-**


	3. Getting Settled

The ride to Cloud's house was quiet. Cloud had already told his parents about my situation and now I was scared. You know that look people give you when something bad happens, like your dog dies or something? The one filled with pure pity that just makes things seem worse? Yeah, that one. I was scared Cloud's parents were going to give me that look. I trusted Cloud and his family but if they gave me that look… I didn't know what I'd do…

To my great relief, they didn't give me the look. They just asked me what I wanted for dinner, reminded me to take my pain medication, and told me I'd be staying in the guest bedroom. They acted almost completely normal and I was oh so very grateful for that. Cloud led me upstairs to the room, reminding me that he was next door if I needed anything. He also said he stopped by my house and grabbed some stuff to hold me over until we knew for certain where I would be staying from now on. I nodded my head thanks and he said he'd come get me when dinner was ready. It was Sunday, meaning I had school the next day, so I decided to get some work done while I waited.

The room I was staying in was fairly small, but it was bigger than my own room. A twin bed set up against the side wall, a desk on the other one, and a big open window with one of those bench things instead of a window sill. I loved to sneak in here and read or take naps on that bench. Sometimes I'd sketch or just sit there and write. It was my own little peace zone.

I found my bag next to the desk and started rummaging around in it for my English binder. I pulled that out, along with my Biology and Geometry binders and my sketch book. _'Maybe I drew something that might help me remember if I've forgotten something.' _I started flipping through the pages I knew were there and moved onto the new ones that mainly had some practice doodles. The last page that had something on it shocked me. It was just a rough sketch, but it was creepy all the same. I could only wonder why I would ever draw something like this… and when the fuck I learned how to draw like that.

I oddly felt the need to color it, but as I flipped the front cover to the back, I saw a piece of paper fall out and land on the floor.

'_I went to your teachers and got your make up work for you. It's not much, but make sure you get it done! Also, I really like this drawing. But I think you should try to draw happier things! I know you can do it, Roxy! Now get to studying! OOXX Axel'_

I shook my head at the note. My boyfriend's an idiot. Wait, hold on. Can I say that again? _My boyfriend._ Axel is my boyfriend. Oh God, this was just too perfect. I don't think I've ever been this happy. Not since mom gave me that fire truck when I was four with the working fire hose. But this is a better kind of happy. The kind I don't want to grow old and get bored with after a few days. The kind I never wanted to let go.

For some odd reason, I kept having the feeling like this was all some sick dream my mind created simply to tease me. That I was probably just sleeping or unconscious from my father beating me especially hard - most likely for no apparent reason. That Axel was still just a friend and going out with tons of people who do nothing but take what they want then stomp on his heart. That none of what was happening was actually happening. I gave my arm a hood pinch, accidently yelping pretty loud. Nope. Wasn't dreaming.

I sent Axel a quick text telling him thanks for getting my stuff then went off on a quest for tape. After finding some in a drawer in the kitchen, I taped the sticky note securely to the back cover of my sketch book. As I admired the nice edition, I felt a slight tug of pain wretch at my heart. It hurt to see a cute not from someone I care about? I could only suspect that these feelings had something to do with my damaged memory. What exactly was I forgetting? Or better yet, would I ever remember?

The fact that I didn't remember something that seemed to be so important scared me. Even more so that fact that it apparently had something to do with Axel. As I pondered whether or not to talk to Axel about it, said red-head texted me back.

From: Axel [2:15 PM]_  
_No problem Rox~ How's your homework going?

Smug little bastard. But here was my chance. I could get him to come over and then try to ask Axel about my fears. Cloud already said we could do the mini questionarre thingy. So there, I had a plan. I double checked with Cloud for a moment before I texted Axel back.

From: Roxykins [2:19 PM]  
Biology. The bane of my existence. Do you think… you could come over to Cloud's and help me? He said it was okay. You can stay for dinner, too, if you want.

From: Axel [2: 22 PM]  
Sure. Be there in a few ;)

* * *

Axel and I spent the next two hours working on the damn homework that demanded my attention. After words, Cloud came in and told us dinner was ready, which I was excited for. Spaghetti and garlic bread, one of my favorites. Cloud's mom, I shit you not, made the best sauce in the world. Why she never submitted it for awards was beyond me. Over dinner, Cloud's parents still had not brought up anything about my father; sticking to just small talk and asking if I liked the food. I fucking loved these people. I could never say that enough.

After we helped clean up the kitchen and such, I led Axel back to my room and Cloud followed. He said we could start on the questionnaire. "Alright, so… what do you think you don't remember?" Cloud said.

"Well… Obviously Wednesday and Thursday are pretty much a blur… Uhm… and there are like, little bits missing from last summer and the one before," I said, searching through my memory. I figured I would work my way to asking Axel. When Cloud leaves to pee or something like that.

"Well that doesn't seem so bad. It could be worse – you could have flat out amnesia and you'd think you were five or something," Axel reminded us. Yeah, that would be bad. "But something might've changed about you, Roxas, so we should keep an eye out," he suggested.

"Alright, sounds like a plan," Cloud agreed.

"Okay. For one, why do I have so much checkered stuff?" I honestly didn't know why I seemed to like that pattern so much. Legit, most of my stuff was checkered. My bag, my binders, my belt, my shoelaces, my wristbands, even my socks. What was up with that?

"Shit… This is what I was afraid of…" Cloud said, looking sadly down at his lap.

"What?"

"Your mom loved that pattern… She got you tons of checkered stuff when you were little… You told me that it was another way to try and stay close to her…" Cloud mumbled. "I was afraid you would've forgotten something about her…" I froze, my eyes widening in pure shock.

…I can't believe it… I actually forgot something about my mom… the person who loved me and died for me… Oh my fucking god…! I'm the absolute worst! How could I ever forgive myself for doing something so cruel to her! I didn't even notice that I started crying, sobs racking my body, until Axel pulled me into his arms, kissing the tears on my cheeks away. He rubbed my back trying to comfort me and leaned into his chest, calming down a bit as I prepared my next question…

* * *

We played this little game for another hour or so before Cloud had to leave and get some… homework done, leaving me with Axel for the time being. "So did you get all the answers you wanted, Roxy?" Axel asked.

Somewhere during our Q&A, Axel had pulled us back against the headboard of the bed and let me scoot close to his side comfortably. How the hell he stayed so warm all time, I would never know. I just knew I loved it. "Yeah…" I sighed.

"What's wrong?" I was debating about asking Axel why I felt so uneasy about our relationship at this point. But I was afraid he might misinterpret me and the thought of losing him terrified me. But at the same time, I felt like I had already accepted losing him. That didn't really make any sense, though… How could I have learned to lose someone I never had?

"It's just…" I started, but I quickly changed my mind. "It's nothing… I'm just a little tired…"

"You sure? You do know you can talk to me if something's bothering you, right?" he asked, turning on his side and gently pressing our foreheads together.

"Mhmm…" I sighed contently, closing my eyes and letting this overwhelming feeling of comfort over take me. "I'll never forget that, Axel," I promised, my voice barely above a whisper. "…Will you stay the night?"

"I'd love to, Roxas, but it's too late to ask and I don't have my stuff," he said, me frowning a bit. He smiled, cupping my cheek with his hand and running his thumb over my skin. "But I'll stay for a little longer. You need sleep, though, you look so tired. Do you have anything you need to take?" he asked with concern. I nodded a bit, my eyelids already starting to droop. Damn homework, making me tired. "I'll go get them for you, then. You shouldn't skip out on those if you want to get better, Rox."

I tried to grab onto Axel's sleeve as he got up, just wanting him lay down with me, but he was a tad too quick and left to ask someone for my pills. I didn't want to take them, though. Despite my wishes, my eyes betrayed me and starting shutting. But before darkness could take me, I felt the bed shift as Axel climbed back on. "C'mon, up and at 'em," he coaxed.

"Nooooo… Roxy wants to sleeeeeep…" I whined, pulling a blanket over my head in protest.

"C'mon, Rox, it'll take two seconds, I promise," he said, ripping the blanket away from me and making me shiver.

"Ax, I'm cold!" I pouted, curling up to keep in any form of heat I could get.

"If you take your pills, I'll be sure to warm you up," Axel whispered in my ear, licking the shell with his warm tongue and making me blush heavily. That was really bold of him. I caved, sitting up to gulp down the colorful tablets dry. Axel kissed my cheek as a reward. "There, now was that so terrible?"

"Yes," I huffed, crossing my arms across my chest and trying to seem like I was mad. That only got a light laugh out of the red-head. I closed my eyes for a second, letting his laugh ring my ears. It was like music to them… "Can I have my heat source back now?" I asked, opening my arms and asking for him to cuddle with me.

"Is that all I am to you, Roxy?" Axel asked, smirking.

"Yup. My big sexy heat source," I retorted, smirking back and still holding my arms out.

Axel grasped his heart and fell back a bit as if he'd been shot. "Oh, Roxas! That hurt! You wounded me!" he said overdramatically. I thought it was cute.

"Awe, I'm sorry, Axie~ What can I do to make it all better?" I asked, sounding like I was talking to a baby – which Axel could really be sometimes, so it fit.

"A kiss! Right here!" he said, pointing to his heart. I smiled and patted to spot next to me, motioning for him to lie down. He pulled me down with him as he did so where I rubbed my cheek affectionately on his chest before placing a light kiss on his shirt where his heart was. I then rested my head there as he started gently stroking my hair.

We simply lied there for what seemed like forever, pretending like it was just us on the whole planet and there was nothing to bother us. No homework, no worries, no anybody to hurt us, no distraction. Just me and the soothing sound of my boyfriend's beating heart. I was about to fall asleep, yet again, when Axel's voice woke me up. "Roxas, you awake?"

"Mm?" I mumbled, refusing to open my eyes or move.

"Are… Are you sure about this? Are you sure… about us?" he asked, uncertainty lacing his words. I sat up, my arms supporting weakly supporting my torso as my eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"Axel, what do you mean?" Now I was scared. Was he about to break up with me? What! No! Why would he?! What did I do?! We haven't even been dating a full day! Why would he want to break up? Axel saw the fear and confusion in my eyes and smiled softly. Shit, he was so gonna break up with me! He put his hand on the back of my head and led my cheek to rest on his shoulder. Bastard. I was starting to shake really badly, something I've always done when I was scared or nervous.

Axel laced his hand with mine and buried his nose in my hair again, placing a small kiss on my head, confusing me even more. "Calm down, Roxas…" he whispered. "I'm just asking if you're sure about your feelings…" he mumbled, lightly rubbing my knuckles like he would in class. Oh god… I immediately started to calm down immensely, but the slight fear of loss still lingered.

"Of course I am, Axel," I reassured. "I wouldn't have asked you out if I wasn't sure I liked you… Why? What's wrong?"

He was silent for a moment as he pulled me a bit closer to him, his heat and smell intoxicating me as my face was pushed into the crook of his neck, making me blush a bit. "It's just… Not to sound like a dick, Roxas, but I've been in a lot of 'serious relationships'," he said, letting go of my hand to make air quotations before moving it to rest on his stomach. "Even though I was the only one serious about them… I really like you, Roxas… I really, really do, please don't doubt that… I just don't want this to end up like the rest…" he said, closing his eyes and snuggling into my hair again.

Oh. So that's why he seemed so hesitant at the hospital… "Axel… Do you not trust me…?" I asked, my voice cracking over my question.

"I do, Roxas," he said with full conviction. "I'm… I'm just scared…" he mumbled. I sat up a bit, supporting my weight on my hands as Axel's arms loosely held onto me. I looked right into his overwhelmingly gorgeous acidic green eyes with my slightly dull but serious sapphire ones.

"Axel, I would _never _do something like that, _especially _to you… You know that, I know you do… Just give me a chance to prove it to you…" I said with a slightly pleading tone. I had to show him how serious I was about this. I just had to.

Axel was quiet for a moment, searching my face for any doubt or regret in my words. I had none. He put a hand to my cheek and smiled at me. I smiled back. "Okay, Rox… I believe you," he whispered. I smiled a bit wider then layed back down on his chest, my ear right over his heart. Soon after, I drifted off into one of the best nights of dreamless sleep I've had in years.

* * *

I woke up a bit before my alarm and noticed I couldn't move around very much. I looked down and saw that I was completely cocooned in like, three or so blankets. That was odd, seeing as how I'm pretty sure there was only one went I went to bed. That and I almost never moved when I was sleeping. Cloud used to have panic attacks and think I was dead. Now he double checks because his spazzing seriously pissed me off. I looked around again and saw that Axel was nowhere to be found. _'He probably gave me the blankets so I would think it was him…'_ I thought, curling even more into the bed. Axel's smell still lingered in the sheets and I was happy about that. He smelled so good; I don't think I could ever get enough of it.

I was starting to fall back asleep, but my alarm woke me up. I hissed at my phone before dismissing the alarm and chucking my phone to the bean bag chair across the room. I grunted and flopped back on the bed, intending to skip school for the day and just sleep. But of course, Cloud had to come in and be the rain in my fucking parade.

"Roxas, get up! The doctor said you can go to school so you're going! Don't make me get Abbey!" he yelled, pounding on my door. Abbey was Cloud's cat who got pissed really easily and would claw your leg to bits without a second thought. I had to learn that the hard way when I accidently tripped over her food bowl.

"I'm up! I'm up!" I called, not wanting my limbs scattered across the house. I slipped myself out of the blankets and looked in the dresser only to find it empty. I looked in the closet, too, and saw that the only thing in there was a few hangers. "Cloud, where the hell did you put my clothes?" I called through the wall.

"Duffel bag in the closet!" he answered. I looked down in the closet and, just as he said, there had been a bag. I dug through it and was glad Cloud knew me so well. He grabbed my black skinny jeans, my favorite tight V-neck T-shirt with a red heart crossed with barbed wire laced on the front, and a clean pair of boxers. I already had my bracelets and such here (yay) so I was ready in a matter of minutes. I grabbed my bag and hopped down the steps two at a time like I did when I was a kid.

This house was my safe haven as a child. Whenever I was kicked out of my house or managed to escape for a while, Cloud always welcomed me with open arms. His parents, until now, simply assumed my father just gave me tons and tons of freedom. I was always welcomed at their house. Cloud and his parents were truly my family. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

"Morning, Roxas," Cloud's mom greeted me happily when I entered the kitchen. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Just some toast would be nice, Mrs. Strife," I said, pulling some apple juice out of the fridge and pouring a glass for myself. I was never a big eater and breakfast never really appeased me since it took a long time for my body to realize I was awake.

"Roxas, honey, you know I think of you as my own son, right?" she asked, spreading some grape jelly on the warm pieces of toast. I nodded. "You can call me 'mom' if you want, sweetie," she said, placing the toast in front of me and giving me a slightly sad smile. I didn't like it. I stayed quiet, staring down at my toast for a brief moment before picking it up and starting to nibble a little bit on the crust. She ruffled my hair a bit before returning to her cooking.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Cloud's mom just as much as my own. They were alike in so many ways and sometimes I would forget that my own mother was dead. I just didn't want the same fate to happen to Cloud's mom as mine. That's one area I'd rather they not share.

A few moments later, Cloud hopped down the stairs like I had done with Abbey in his arms before dropping her off on the couch next to his dad then strutted (Yes, strutted) into the kitchen, kissing his mom on the cheek. He stole the other piece of my toast before running away to the front door. "C'mon, Roxas, we're gonna miss the bus!"

* * *

I stood in the common area talking with Tifa when someone came up from behind me and nuzzled their slightly cold nose into my neck, scaring the shit out of me. "Ah! Axel, don't sneak up on me like that!" I scolded, lightly smacking his arm. He chuckled, leaning down and giving me a tight squeeze as an apology, which I accepted. It took me a second to realize he hadn't come to see me by himself.

Axel saw me glance over to his friend and, answering my un-voiced question, introduced me. "Roxy, this is my friend, Larxene. Larx, this is my new boyfriend, Roxas," he smiled.

I tried to smile back to the blonde antenna-ed girl but she kind of glared at me as she took me in from head to toe. It was actually pretty creepy, if you ask me. She held out her hand to me, her nails looking like they could poke your eye out of you got too close. "Nice to meet you, Roxas," she said, growling over my name. "Axel's told me _so much _about you."

"H-Has he?" I stuttered, taking her hand and awkwardly. "I'm afraid he's never mentioned you before."

She gripped my hand really tightly for a second before letting go and clinging to Axel's arm. "Axel! That's so mean, I thought we were _best friends_!" she whined, putting more drama into her words than necessary. Axel simply shrugged like he did nothing before taking my hand in his and squeezing it comfortably.

"Well, I'll see you later, Larx. I'm gonna walk Roxas to his class," he smiled at me, making me smile back. Larxene looked a little shocked (which made me feel really special) and I heard Cloud and Tifa going "D'awwwww~!" behind us. I flipped them off, saying I'd see them with Vincent later at lunch.

"How come you've never mentioned her if she's your best friend, Axel?" I asked after we got away from everybody and started heading towards my art class.

He shrugged. "Just never came up."

* * *

**Hey there c:  
So what do you guys think so far? Is it too slow? Too fast? Meh? Review and tell me, please!  
I do have basically the rest planned out, it's just splitting it up and trying to keep it interesting is my issue, lol.  
I know this chapter is a little short, but it's kinda setting up what's gonna happen next, so bear with me! xD**  
**Okay... Now for sleep...**

**Also, happy early AkuRoku day C: I have a picture already drawn and will be posting it on my deviantART account, so if you guys would be ever so kind as to check that out, that would make me so happy! I love you all, here's some cookies~! X3**


	4. Back To Square One

Axel and I have been dating for five days, but I feel as if it's been forever. I swear, he's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. I just wish I could spend more time with him outside of school. Well, he's busy and his mom doesn't really let him out much. I invited him to come with me to visit my mom and he'd see if he could. I really hoped he could. Mom would be happy that I found someone like Axel.

I had gotten into the after school routine of coming home, doing a little bit of homework, then hanging out and catching up on my reading. But today, I was lying in my bed, lightly running my fingers over the scars on my wrist as music blared in my ears. "Open Wounds" by Skillet. God, band of my fucking _life._

Damn Shuffle, always seeming to know exactly which song to put on. One question still burned in the back of my mind: _Why did I cut? _I searched my memories over and over again for any possible reason, but it just wasn't there. Nothing. I looked over the clues I had gathered since my accident. Still nothing. Well fuck. I have no progress.

My music was still blaring in my ears when "Clocks" by Coldplay came on. Wait... when was the last time I heard this song...? I know it was recently... But when, exactly...? Wasn't it at school? ...Club, maybe? ...That's right! The final party was last week! And there was karaoke and Marluxia and I sang it! Oh, that was probably the best party yet! And since Axel was there, too, it was - !

...Wait.

Axel was there? Since when did he start coming to Club? ...Oh, that's right! I invited him because I wanted him to smile and have fun! His girlfriend dumped him and he was really upset and he never smiled. I missed his smile, so I invited him! Holy shit, I remember! Wait till I tell Cloud and Axel, they'll be so excited!

But… this seems kind of insignificant… Why would I forget something like a simple party? Okay, now nothing makes sense. But then why didn't anyone tell me if it didn't mean anything? So does this mean it's important? How? Does Axel have something to do with it?

FUCK. More questions. All these unanswered questions really piss me off. Should I ask Axel? If it has to do with him, he might tell me. But then again, I might've told Cloud. I tell him everything. Plus he's right next door so I don't have to blow up his phone and wait twenty years for a reply now. Whoo.

I put my mp3 in sleep mode, pulling my wristband back over the scars, and swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, getting a little dizzy and going blind for a second at the sudden movement. After I regained my vision, I went to the room across from mine and knocked on the door, hoping Cloud was home for once and not at Tifa's. I waited a few moments before the door opened to reveal a very tired looking Cloud. "What do you want?" he asked in a sleepy, pissed tone. He hated being woken up from naps.

"I remembered something," I said in a guilty tone, sorry for waking him up. Cloud yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he smiled.

"That's good. Did you want to talk about it?" he asked. I nodded and he moved aside to let me in his room, where I found Tifa sound asleep on his bed. "Sorry, forgot to say she was here. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to Brony-con with her but I just wanted to take a nap so she decided to stay here and sleep with me," he explained, answering my unvoiced question.

"Oh, well can we go to my room, then? I wouldn't want to wake her up," I said. Cloud nodded, kissing Tifa on her forehead before following me back to my room.

"So what did you remember?" Cloud asked, flopping on my bed and lounging back against the headboard.

"The Club party last week," I said, sitting with my legs crossed at the foot of the bed.

"Oh, well that's cool! It was fun, wasn't it? Remember when that one kid starting doing a stripper dance with Tifa? That was awesome!" Cloud said, laughing at the memories of his girlfriend.

"Yeah, it was," I said, letting out a small awkward giggle.

"So, why do you think you forgot it?" Cloud asked, poking my knee with his foot.

"I don't know, that was what I was going to ask you. Did something bad happen or something?" I asked, slightly scared of what he might say.

"No, the party was a blast. You had a good time, everyone did…" Cloud said, his voice trailing off. He looked like he wanted to say more, but just wasn't sure if he should.

"Cloud?" He snapped out of it at the worried tone in my voice and put up a smile to cover his ass. "Cloud, what is it?"

"Oh, nothing, Roxy~! I was just thinking of this asshole that crashed the party. He was kind of a dick, not really fitting into the mood of Club, you know?" he said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"No, Cloud. I don't know. That's why I'm asking, but you don't seem too keen on telling me," I said, getting really confused and pissed. Again.

"No, I don't. I just… You seem happy, Roxas. I don't want to be the one to ruin that for you," Cloud mumbled, not making eye contact with me.

"Cloud, do you really think confused and happy are the same damn thing?" I asked, grabbing his chin and making him look me in the eye. "I'm tired of people dodging the truth. I'm tired of people hiding things from me. Why can't anyone just be fucking honest with me?! Am I that untrustworthy?! Just tell me and stop treating me like I can't take care of myself!" I snapped.

I instantly regretted it. I never yelled at anyone, let alone Cloud, like that. Ever. My father yelled at me like that and I swore I would never end up like him. But I am. I'm turning into the spitting fucking image. All because I couldn't control my temper. Cloud's eyes widened, shocked at my outburst. Great, now he's scared of me. I let go of his chin, shaking a bit, and backed up to the very edge of the bed, getting as far away from him as possible without falling off the bed. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I held my head tightly and brought my knees up close to my chest.

I was sobbing and repeatedly apologizing to him, knowing damn well he wouldn't forgive me. I never forgave my father, why should he me? I felt the bed shift and knew he was getting up to leave, probably to go ask his mom if I could move back to my house. He doesn't want me around anymore, I just know it.

"Roxas, what's wrong?" Cloud asked as he pulled me onto his lap and had my head rest on his shoulder, right in the crook of his neck. What? What was he doing? I looked up to him, tears still flowing and guilt in my sapphire eyes.

"Cloud, Cloud, I-I didn't-I'm sorry I yelled at you, I-I was frustrated an-and I pretty much accused y-you of being a bad friend and-and I'm sorry, Cloud!" I cried, slinging my arms around his neck and crying into his shoulder. "Cloud, please don't make me leave! I love staying here with you, you're my best friend, please forgive me, please!" I begged, honestly believing he hated me after what I said to him.

"Roxas, Roxas, it's okay, I'm not making you go anywhere, I promise," he said, petting my hair as I cried. I believed him. I believed he wasn't going to hate me. "I forgive you, if it means anything, okay?" It did. It meant the world to me; he just didn't need to know that. I nodded, calming down a bit from my meltdown. My breathing was still fast and tears were still falling, but it was no longer gross, terrible sobs, so I was going to be fine. I snuggled up to Cloud more, always doing that when I was upset. He's known me long enough to know how to calm me down.

"Thank you, Cloud… I'm sorry, I'm not gonna bug you anymore, I promise…" I mumbled, deciding to just wait until I remember things on my own. That would be better for everyone instead of them listening to my bitching all the time. But then Cloud just had to speak up.

"No, it's okay, Roxas. I'll tell you, if that's what you really want," he said with a serious tone, pulling me off his lap and setting me in front of him.

"Are-Are you sure? I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to…" I said, the checkered pattern of the covers suddenly becoming very intriguing. Cloud lifted my chin, making me look into his eyes, just like I had done.

"I don't like seeing you sad, Roxas. Just listen, I know it's what you want," he smiled. I smiled a bit back, oh so very grateful that I had a best friend as wonderful as Cloud. "Just remember, anything I say is in my own opinion and I don't mean to make you feel bad if I do, okay?"

I nodded and mentally prepared myself for whatever Cloud was going to say. "I'm ready for whatever you have to throw at me."

"The asshole I was talking about… was Axel," he started, making my eyes go wide. I was about to interrupt when Cloud spoke again. "He really is a dick, and I hate him. But you needed him, Roxas, that's why I let him stay. But now that you've remembered the party, it's only a matter of time before you remember what happened afterwards…" he said, choosing his words before he spoke again. I sat quietly in slight shock, waiting until Cloud was finished before I reacted in any way. "He offered to walk you home and you accepted. I loved seeing how happy you were and I accepted your feelings for Axel, trusting that if he were to feel the same about you, he would treat you right," he smiled at me. "But I was so fucking wrong.

"Instead, the bastard got your hopes up and asked you out. Only not to be his _actual _boyfriend, oh nooooooo. He asked you to be his _**fake**_ boyfriend! Pretty much killing you!" he said, anger emanating off his body. How he managed to stay this long without ripping Axel's head off is beyond me. "You know how I know this, Roxas? You called me in _tears_, asking me to come over and spend the night. You told me and I stayed with you! But then your fucking father had to come in and hurt you and make everything worse!" he shouted. I remembered Tifa was sleeping in the other room, but I'm pretty sure Cloud didn't care at this point. I put my hand over Cloud's tightly clutched one as he breathed heavily, trying to calm himself down a bit.

My own breath quickened and tears freely flowed down my cheeks as I clutched my eyes shut. I remember. I remember all of that. I remember how hurt I felt when Axel asked me that. I remember how hopeless and dead I felt when he practically told me that there would never be anything between us. I remember going home and my father getting pissed at me for no reason and beating me again. I remember the pain he caused distracting me but only for a moment before I crawled back to my room. I remember listening to my music, but it wasn't working and I started panicking. Then I went to my bathroom and… Oh god…

Sobs racked my body and I suddenly felt nauseous. I clutched my stomach with one arm and brought the hand that was over Cloud's to my mouth. I was so going to puke. Cloud said something, probably along the lines of "Roxas, what's wrong?", but I didn't hear him. He tried to reach out to me, but I pushed him away and scrambled off the bed and made a run for the bathroom. I started dry heaving over the toilet until the contents of my stomach painfully were emptied into the bowl. I could feel Cloud rubbing up and down my spine comfortingly as I vomited.

I coughed up the rest of it then Cloud helped me stand up and make my way to the sink so I could rinse my mouth out. When I was done, I splashed some cold water in my face and tried to will my stomach to settle down. I took some deep breaths before Cloud asked again what was wrong.

"Cloud…" I quietly said, my hand shakily moving to my wristband. I took a deep breath and took it off, holding it out for Cloud to see. "I cut… Because of Axel… I remember it now…" I mumbled, fresh tears quietly spilling out of my pain glazed eyes. Cloud's eyes widened and he grabbed my wrist, pulling it towards him so he could look at it. It was just one really long line going horizontal across my wrist. I remembered I stopped myself before I could make any more marks. But I really wanted to.

"Oh god, Roxas…" he whispered, running his thumb over the scar. "That BASATRD!" Cloud shouted, making me cringe a bit. "He actually pushed you into doing this when you already had enough shit going on?! And then the fucker suddenly decides to date you?! Who the hell does that! He probably felt sorry for you or some bullshit like that! I swear, when I get my hands on him, I'm - !"

"Cloud," I said, interrupting him from his rant. He looked up to me, anger and concern swirling in his eyes. I let my head drop and slowly shake side to side, not sure what I was saying no about. I could feel more tears build up as my shoulders bounced with my silent weeping. I fell to my knees, Cloud still holding onto my arm for a second before letting it fall with me. I clutched my fists on the bathroom floor and cried as Cloud knelt in front of me and wrapped me up in his arms.

I was so confused. What was I supposed to do now?

* * *

If I didn't have a huge math test the next day, I would've stayed home; especially since I had class with Axel. I zoned out through most of the day, only really paying attention for that damn test. Tifa and Vincent tried to get me to tell them what was wrong, but Cloud got them off my case and, after asking me if it was okay, told them what was going on. They were plenty pissed but left me alone the rest of the day.

Finally the time came for me to walk into that accursed classroom. Yay. I took my seat behind Axel and tried to slide down in the seat, as if I wasn't there. Didn't work very well.

"Hey, Roxy~ How're you doing?" he smiled at me, leaning over my desk to ruffle my hair. I batted his hand away and leaned over to my backpack to pull out my binder. He looked at me, confused for a second, before giving me a concerned look. "You okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just tired." I swear, whoever invented that excuse is a genius. Axel giggled, scolded me for not going to bed early enough, then turned back around and started to chat with his neighbor. I let out a deep sigh and threw myself into my work to try and distract myself. Axel tried to get me to talk throughout class but, thankfully, the teacher kept piling more work on us. It was after class I was worried about.

We walked out of class and I tried to walk as fast as I could without actually running so I could hurry to Cloud's car. I was almost out of the hallway when Axel caught my wrist. Fuck.

"Roxas, wait up! What's the rush?" he asked with his usual smirk. My heart used to skip a beat when I would see that smirk. But now, I just wanted to slap it right off his face.

"Cloud's mom wants us home early today, so I need to go," I said, snapping my wrist out of Axel's grasp. He looked a bit hurt that I so roughly took my hand away, but I really didn't care. I just needed to get away from him.

"Oh, well okay. Text me later?" he smiled, adjusting the strap on his backpack and shoving his hand in his jacket pocket. I nodded and he tried to kiss my forehead but I backed up a bit and avoided it. The hurt look was back and I tried really, really hard not to let it get to me. I just closed my eyes and turned around, pushing through the sea of teenagers and running to Cloud's car.

Cloud was already there and about to open the car when he saw me running towards it. I tried to run around to the passenger side, but Cloud caught me in his arms before I could. Double fuck. I was holding back tears and Cloud could obviously tell that. I tried to rip myself from him, but Cloud was both bigger and stronger than me and my effort was futile.

I just gave up and let Cloud hold me as I collected myself. We stood there in the parking lot for maybe five minutes or so before he let me go and we got in the car.

Well, that went well.

* * *

As soon as I walked in the door, I went to my room, closed and locked the door, and flopped on the bed. God, I just wanted to melt into the fluffy pillows. These pillows were the best thing ever. Got me to go to sleep almost instantly, even when I was little. This place really was my sanctuary.

A good half hour past before I realized that even the pillows couldn't get me to take a nap like I wished. Triple fuck. Well I had no homework so I decided to kill time on the computer. I flipped on the laptop Cloud gave me (He said it was his old one) and wasted about another half hour browsing random websites and watching a few music videos. This was pretty much how I would kill time when I was home alone with nothing better to do.

Eventually getting more bored with that, I decided to try to kill time on my messenger. Haven't been on that in the longest time. Might as well. Maybe someone would be on and I wouldn't be _as_ bored.

But after another ten minutes saying hello and goodbye to several people, I was about to sign off and just settle for bugging Cloud. Unless Tifa was here. Then I could bug both of them. Sounded like a plan. Before I could, though, a chat window popped up on my screen along with that annoying alert noise.

It was Axel.

Quadruple fuck.

"What's up? You okay?" he asked. I sighed. If I didn't answer him now, he'd blow up my phone later. And if I turned it off, he would come over. There was just no other way. So I grabbed the laptop and got comfortable on the bed.

"Yeah, just a bit stressed," I replied. Well it wasn't a total lie.

"Did you remember something? Is that why?" Damn. At least he guessed reasonably._  
_

"Yeah, but it's not a big deal. Nothing major." Gotta get out of this fucking chat room. I don't want to talk to him.

"Oh? Okay then," he said after a few moments. Well that wasn't so bad. Maybe now I can just tell him I'm busy and –"I saw you earlier. In the parking lot."_  
_

...What?

"With Cloud? What about it?" How the hell was this relevant? He saw Cloud and I together all the time._  
_

"I wanted to ask you about him. What do Cloud and I mean to you? Who is more important, I mean."

What. What the fuck. What the actual. Fuck. Was he talking about.

"Axel, both you and Cloud are important to me. I couldn't choose and you know that." If he didn't, he was more of a dumbass than I thought. _  
_

"I just… I want to make sure you and Cloud are JUST friends." Yup. He was a total dumbass. The EMPEROR of dumbasses, even.

"Axel, he's my best friend! I was hurting! What did you expect him to do?" It's not like Cloud would have let me sit there and mope, even if I threatened to kill him. Cloud's just the type of guy that can't leave people alone. He always has to keep us grounded. It's a big job that _only_ a guy like Cloud could do. Why couldn't Axel see that?

"It's not what I expected HIM to do. It's what I expected YOU to do." What? What could he mean? Before I could ask, he messaged back. Suddenly, he became a fast typer. What the hell. "I'm your boyfriend and **I** want to help you when you're hurting! Not have you seek someone else for comfort! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel, Roxas!?

That's it. I was fed up with this bull shit. He was just too damn confusing! I couldn't take it!

"No, Axel. I don't. And you know what? I don't give a fuck. You know, you're doing an awesome job. Telling me you want to be fake boyfriends and then AS SOON as I'm HURT, you suddenly decide to like me. Well THANKS a FUCKING BUNCH, Axel!" I admit, I do have a temper. It's just very rare that I actually lose it.

"No, Roxas. You don't understand," he weakly tried to defend. I didn't want to hear his little excuses, _especially_ not over a fucking chat._  
_

"No, Axel, I don't. And I'm not sure I want to." I'm done being everybody's little toy._  
_

"What's gotten into you... You're not the Roxas I know..." DONE._  
_

"And who is that, Axel? Who is the Roxas YOU know? One that blindly follows you around and hopes that one day maybe, JUST MAYBE, you'll notice how he feels about you? The one that gave up when you told him there was nothing? That one?" Maybe now I'll knock some sense into him. I think it did, because it took him a while to respond.

"…That's not how i saw you… but you probably don't want to hear it…" No, I really didn't. I was about to say something else when he sent another message. "You know, I feel like I just don't know you anymore… maybe… maybe we should just end this…"

...Wait. No. No no no. Wait, no. "Axel… what… what do you mean… do you mean… break up…?" This isn't what I wanted. No, this can't be happening!

"Yes, Roxas. You obviously want it to. So it might as well." He seemed so blunt. Like he was a parent telling me sternly that I couldn't have a cookie before dinner. Axel was the cookie. And now I could never have him again. God… What have I done…? I… I didn't want him to leave me… He… He said he wouldn't… I trusted him… And now he's leaving me… Just… Just like everyone always does... I'm such a fucking _idiot!_

"You still there?"

_"_I… I don't want this to end, Axel… But all we're doing is fighting… so it might as well… I'm sorry I've been such a burden…" I really have. That's all I've ever been.

"You're never a burden, Roxas. Don't ever think that." _'What I think is no longer your concern. You don't care.'_ "We can still be friends. okay?" Lies. All lies.

"Whatever. Bye."

_**[+Roxas+] is now**_** offline.**

Well that was it. Axel was gone. I was hurt but, for some reason, I couldn't cry. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't. Did I not like Axel like I thought I did? No, I wouldn't have been so hurt the first time if my feelings were false. It was my own fault. I pushed myself into liking him, I pushed him into dating me, and I pushed him into breaking up with me. God, why did people still hang around me?

I was really tired, all of a sudden. All I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't even want to try to seek Cloud's comfort. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep forever. And I did. I slept for a good twelve or so hours. I woke up around three in the morning. I wanted to sleep more, seeing as I was tired, but there was one thing I needed to do. I got up and logged back into my messenger, doing one thing before logging off and crawling back into bed for another three hours.

_**[+Roxas+] updated his info from "taken" to "single". **_

* * *

**Procrastination and I have become very good friends, if you haven't noticed xD  
But hey! Roxas finally remembered~ That's always good x3  
Well, a lot of shit happened this chapter. Hopefully it holds you over till I get the next chapter up.  
Which won't be until you guys pleeeeaaaaaaaasssssseeeeee review! It makes me happy and type faster!  
C: I love you all, thanks for reading~  
**

**Songs: "Open Wounds" by Skillet and "Clocks" by Coldplay (c)  
Characters (c) SQUARE ENIX  
**


	5. Getting Punished

The end of the year was drawing nearer and nearer but summer vacation was the last thing on my mind. During the last week of school I only had to come in to take my finals then I could go home. I was really happy about that. Ever since Axel broke up with me, I've been avoiding him like the plague. I was dreading the day I had to take an exam with him.

Ever since then, all I've wanted to do was sleep. I was always so tired. Cloud was worried, of course, but there wasn't much he could do; considering the fact I banned him from tearing Axel limb from limb. It pissed him off, but he was in no position to argue. I just needed him to be there for me and that was enough.

I didn't talk much and I was hardly ever awake. I didn't have the energy to do anything. I was surprised I was awake enough to even take my tests. But they were easy, so I know I passed. But I didn't even have it in me to go to Vincent and Sephiroth's graduation, even though I promised. I didn't want my problems spoiling their night. I'll probably never forgive myself for that.

After Axel left me, I became a shell. The rest of my memory came back, including the emotions they carried. So that included the first time I self-harmed. I was so depressed and mad at myself that I actually resorted to cutting. But only a few times, when my emotions got the better of me. Cloud didn't know, and I didn't plan on ever telling him. That's why they invented wristbands, isn't it?

Speaking of Cloud, he told me that the court or something called and said that we didn't need to make an appearance at my father's trial. I had almost completely forgotten about him, honestly, what with all that has happened. I was glad I didn't have to go. One more burden off my shoulders. Hopefully, I would never have to see that bastard again.

I walked into the classroom and since most people chose to get exempted from the exam, there were only about three people in there.

Yay, no assigned seats.

Axel sat in his usual seat by the door so I decided to take the corner seat on the other side of the room. But then the bastard had to go and follow me.

"Hey, Roxas, how have you been?" he smiled, plopping down in the seat in front of me. I pulled out the book I was currently reading and started flipping to my bookmark so I could ignore him. "Oh, so you finally started that book? Is it good?" I nodded my head a bit, willing him to just go away.

He looked like he was about to say more but the teacher told him to move back to his seat so he didn't try to bug me during the test. I was so grateful to that teacher. After the exam I got to go home, but Axel had another exam to get to. So when he stopped me outside of the classroom I reminded him about that little detail and left with Cloud.

Cloud told me that it was decided that, if I wanted to, Cloud's parents could gain guardianship over me until I'm eighteen and I could move in with them. My house would go up for sale and I would no longer have anything to do with that place. Now, I was terrible at making decisions. If you asked me if I wanted one thing or another you'd be there forever as I debated. But this was something I could decide right off the bat.

I was going to live with Cloud.

* * *

Axel kept trying to talk to me the next few days after school ended. I ignored every attempt. He even tried to come over and see me a few times but Cloud got him off my back. Why couldn't he take the hint that I didn't want to see him? I wouldn't mind being friends with Axel. He's been a real good friend to me all year. It just hurt too much to see him at the moment and I didn't want to risk breaking while I'm still healing.

Pushing Axel out of my mind, I focused on moving into Cloud's house permanently. The court had sent over the paper work, already with my father's signature on it. How they managed to get him to sign, I'll never know. It seemed a little sketchy, but I was too focused on the fact that I didn't have to go back to that wretched house anymore.

We started by going to my house when we had free time and organizing everything down to my father's shit, shit we were donating, shit we were throwing away, shit we were storing, and shit I was taking with me. I had a lot of shit in my house, if I didn't mention that.

Any piece of furniture that my father used to beat me was automatically put in either the shit to sell category or the shit to throw away, depending on its condition. Either way, it was no way in hell coming with me.

The only things besides my own crap that I found worth saving were anything that belonged to my mother. There were some clothes that I let Tifa have, random bits of decorations that I let Mrs. Strife keep for the time being, and her photo albums of when I was little. I put those in my trunk of memories and quickly moved that to my room in Cloud's house.

The trunk of memories is something I've had since before I was born. After my mom died and my father started beating me, I put things like games and crafts that my mom and I did together in it. I didn't want my father taking anything that reminded me of her away so I locked it up. He only asked what was in it once. I told him it's where I stashed my winter stuff. He didn't care after that, so he never bothered with it. I'm just happy he never tried to lock me in it.

It took us a few days, but we managed to move at least 90% of the shit out of my house. The last 10% was the big furniture that I decided to donate to Goodwill. I didn't want to waste time with a yard sale. All that was left was some little boxes of random shit that I would grab on my way out. Cloud said it was time to go, but I asked him to wait in the car for me, which he did.

I know it seems stupid… but I sort of didn't want to leave this house. No matter what happened in it, it's still a part of me. I grew up in it, I played in it, I slept in it. This was my home up until now. Mom said she was the one to convince my father to move in here. This place was special to her. _'Would it still mean something if she knew what he did here?' _

Thinking about my mom didn't really hurt as much as it used to. I'm happy that I can think of her with a smile now. She'd be proud of me, and I know that. I know. And now there was no one to tell me otherwise. That, I was also happy about.

I walked downstairs, ready to say goodbye for now, when I looked around the living room. The room where it all ended. The room where Cloud finally stood up for me and got my father to back off. The room where Axel…

No, I couldn't let myself think of Axel again! I just couldn't! Not now that I was finally moving on and starting to get over everything! Fuck, too late. Memories of Axel and I resurfaced in my mind, the last being the Facebook conversation where he left me. I was letting the feelings resurface, also, which made my cuts itch. My hands twitched by my pocket, where I kept a blade in my wallet. I wanted to cut. I wanted to cut and just forget.

I tried really hard to push the swarming thoughts out of my mind, but it was useless. They just continued to consume me until I couldn't take it anymore. I ran into the hallway bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me just in case Cloud came in the house to drag me out. I yanked my wallet out of my pocket, scrambling for the blade I kept folded up within a piece of paper. Funny thing, the paper is a cute note I passed with Axel during class while we were dating.

I sat on the cold tile floor, my back leaning against the door as I ripped my many wristbands away to make room and not get blood on them. I set them aside, trying to steady my hand with the blade as I had it hover over my scarred flesh. I took a deep breath, calming down enough just to stop the trembling of my hand.

I let the blade glide across my skin a few times, a tingly feeling on my wrist as my red blood leaked out of the wound. Oh god, that felt so much better. My entire mind and body became numb as the red left me. My mind was deliciously blank and I ravished in the feeling, letting my head fall back against the door as my breathing slowed and my blood pooled on the ground.

I just stayed like that for a few minutes, letting the blood flow longer than I ever have. I was starting to get light headed and tired, so I decided to wrap my wrist up and be on my way. I almost fell over as I stood up, getting really dizzy. I steadied myself by leaning on the wall as I made my way to the sink before gripping onto that. My mind may have been clear, but it's going to take a while to get over losing this much blood. Shit.

I cleaned up, wrapping my wrist in gauze before covering it with my many wristbands. I gulped down some water from the sink before cleaning off the blade, folding it back up and placing it and my wallet safely in my pocket. I also cleaned up the blood that was on the floor. There, all better now. If Cloud asks, I'll just say I'm tired from packing.

I walked back into the guest room, making sure all my stuff was in the boxes and that I hadn't forgotten anything. Well, this was it. As soon as I stepped through the front door, I would never have to come back through it again. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders and it felt amazing.

I glanced over to the dresser, a piece of furniture that I decided to have put into storage. It was my mother's and so was the bedframe where my boxes sat by. There was no way in hell I was parting with anything that was hers. I ran my fingers against the smooth top of the wood, seeing why she loved it so much besides the amazing storage space. The mirror that hung above it was also quite beautiful. Mom had said it was a present from her parents when she moved out. I always liked it when mom would pick me up and we'd make funny faces in the mirror.

I smiled at the small memory of my mom. I'm so happy that I remembered everything about her and none of my memories were gone for good. I don't know what I would have done. Well, I guess I've kept Cloud waiting long enough. I was about to turn around to grab my boxes when –

"Welcome home, Roxas."

No.

Dear god, no.

Please, oh pretty fucking please, tell me that wasn't real. Please tell me I'm hearing things.

Tell me that wasn't my father standing in the doorway, _smirking_. Please! Anything but him!

I looked up from my dresser into the mirror that hung over it and, against everything I was hoping for, my father was standing there, that creepy ass smirk he would get when he was excited plastered on his face.

"How've you been these last few weeks, Roxas? Miss your daddy?" he asked, taking a step closer.

I was frozen to the ground in fear; not able to speak, let alone try to escape. It would have been futile. I let out a very hesitant breath that I didn't know I was holding as I tried to calm myself down. It didn't work much. I managed to suppress my fear and choke back my panic long enough to force words out of my mouth. "How did you get here?"

He let out a howl of laughter, clutching his stomach and tears coming from his eyes from how hard he was laughing. I just looked, shocked, at him from the mirror, unable to turn around and actually face him. "I knew you'd be back, Roxas," he said, a few giggles escaping his untrustworthy mouth. "A good dog always comes back home. A bad dog just would've stayed away and gotten into more trouble. You're a good dog, Roxas. A very good dog, indeed," he said, walking until he was right behind me and setting his hand on my shoulder, sending frightening chills down my spine. "But do you know how a good dog stays that way? Do you, Roxas?"

Despite every muscle in my body and every bit of sense I had in me screaming not to move, not to speak, not to even _blink_, I still shook my head 'no'. If I had a chance to change anything in my life, it would be the fact that I shook my head.

My father leaned down, his lips right next to my ear. His breath didn't contain the usual reek of alcohol that it normally had. I would've never guessed he was worse sober. I was so definitely fucked. He chuckled and whispered ever so quietly, "They get punished."

He gripped the back of my head and quickly slammed it against the top of the dresser, successfully disorienting me. Before I was able to fall into a ridiculously dizzy lump on the ground, grip still furiously tight on my skull, he threw me against the bed frame.

Ow. The migraines that tortured my every waking moment, that I finally managed to get over, returned and as tears welled in my eyes, my father started laughing again, not making my throbbing head any better. "The get punished when the do something wrong!" he announced, his arms outstretched and his head thrown back. "They _learn_ from their mistakes, Roxas!"

He continued to laugh for a few moments as I took the opportunity of him not looking at me to try and back up under the bed. My head was in too much pain to try and attempt anything else. I didn't really manage to get any of me under the bed before he suddenly he stopped laughing, his arms dropping to his sides.

"Why don't you ever learn…?" he choked out. He sounded like he was about to cry. "Why are you such a bad dog, Roxas…?"

I tried to sit up, but that wasn't going to happen. I put my hand to my head to try and stop the world from spinning when I felt a familiar warm thickness. I pulled back my hand to reveal the substance I really wished it hadn't been: blood. Just fucking great. I looked up to my father with blurred eyes, trying to get them to focus to no avail.

"Your mother was bad, too…." That got my attention. He _never_ talked about mom except the few days surrounding her death anniversary. And the only thing he would say would be that he was going to her grave. He would never talk about how she was when she was alive. I had asked questions, but he either changed the subject or just completely ignored me. So this came as a shock.

"She never listened to me." He dropped to his knees in front of me, burying his face in his hands. "If only she had listened… You know, you remind me so much of her, Roxas." He lifted a hand and placed it on my cheek and it took everything in me not to flinch away. He moved his hand slowly to rest over my truck with fear right eye. "Your eyes especially…" The hand dropped to the floor and I almost let out a sigh of relief. But I knew better than that. He quickly picked it right back up and punched me in the eye with every ounce of strength he could muster, sending my head back against the bed frame.

My eye quickly shut and started swelling; fear and pain making me tremble as my head felt numb. I curled into a ball on the floor in an attempt to protect my torso in case he thought kicking would be a better idea. I pried my left eye open, looking up to my father. The man who was supposed to protect me from harm, not give it to me. The man who I was supposed to look up to with pride and admiration, not fear and resentment. This man was not my father. This man was nothing to me.

I'm just pissed that it took me this long to fully realize it.

"You also don't listen… Just like her…" he mumbled, looking at me as if I was in insect he's been trying to kill for a while. "It's her own fault she died…" No. No, it's not. It was dark and it was snowing really badly. She could barely see the road. "I told her to let you walk. I told her that she shouldn't have left that late at night just to get your sorry ass. But she didn't listen," he growled, his fists clutched tightly, the nails digging into his palms.

"Then again… it's more so your fault isn't it, Roxas?" Not this again… "You just _had_ to stay after school for that stupid little activity…! Maybe if you just came home like a good dog… then maybe… maybe you wouldn't have killed your mother…" he said through clenched teeth, his whole body shaking. I started to shake a bit, too, for fear of what he may do.

'_Mom loved me. She was protecting me. Mom loved me. She was protecting me.'_ I just kept repeating that over and over, kind of like a mantra. When he would get like this, reminding myself that Mom loved me always helped maintain what little sanity I may have left.

He reached into his back pocket, pulling out what looked like a knife but was more warped. Where he even got a knife like that, I'll never know. All I knew was that he was unsheathing it and pointing the tip right at my neck. I'm going to die. He's going to kill me. _'Cloud… Axel… Save me!' _

"Now… I'm going to show you what happens to bad dogs who hurt their masters…" he smiled sadistically as he lashed the knife down my chest, cutting a whole through my shirt and a gash through my chest. I let out a yelp of pain, pushing back and trying to use my shirt shreds to cover the cut. He let out a howl of laughter, looking at the knife like a lollipop before licking my blood off. "You s_cared_, Roxas? Huh? You scared of Daddy?"

Yes, I _was_ scared. This man has done some pretty fucked up things to me, but I feel that this is going to be by far the worst. He comes at me with the knife again and I roll away as he brings it down, aiming for my heart. The knife gets lodged into the bedframe and I'm right in the doorway, just a few steps from freedom. He growled, trying to yank the knife out of the frame before I could escape. I tried to stand, but fell back onto my knees just as I had gotten to my feet. Shit.

I was about to make another attempt when he exclaimed in victory as he pulled the jagged knife free. I made another escape attempt but he grabbed my ankle and dragged me back onto the ground before I could. My chest slammed hard on the ground and I let out another shout of pain. He dragged me across the carpet, burning my already fucked up flesh. He straddled my ass and trapped my legs with his, firmly gripping my hair yanking my head back. I heard my neck and back crack and I swear he was ripping out a huge chunk of my blonde spikes.

He leaned near my ear again, holding the knife to my neck with his other hand. I could feel the blade pressed against my throat, cutting into the top layer of my skin. I was absolutely terrified. He let out a low chuckle, his warm, disgusting breath right in my ear. He moved the knife, slamming my head into the ground. He left me there for a second before doing it again. While I was disoriented again, he gripped my left wrist, extending it fully and pinning horizontal with his much stronger arms. I felt my cuts open again and they hurt like absolute _hell_.

He set the jagged knife aside, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a much smaller, more exact knife. Like a carving knife. Where the hell he got all the custom knives, I'll never know. All I knew was that, keeping me firmly pinned to the ground, he leaned right over my forearm and applied pressure, moving the knife up and down on my arm. He was _carving_ into my _arm_. I started freaking out, wiggling my arm as much as I could to try and break it free from his grasp. The pain was excruciating and I just wanted it to stop! I gave up after a few minutes as he kept carving. It hurt too much to move.

He finally stood up over me, taking a moment to marvel in his work. Small tears fell from my eyes as I just lied there. Even a twitch of my fingers hurt. He laughed again, raising his foot before crashing it down onto my back. I coughed, moving to try and get his foot off of me. On instinct, I flipped to my side and curled into a ball. Bad idea. He moved in front of me and raised his foot behind him, preparing to kick me. It was then that I noticed he was wearing steal toed boots. Fuck. He kicked me in the gut, successfully hitting my hands, too, since they were covering my stomach. I think he broke a few of my fingers, possibly my whole hand.

He grabbed my wrist, lifting me off the ground before setting me on my feet and twisting my arm painfully behind my back. He held me there until I heard a sharp crack and my arm went numb. I screamed; like legit _screamed_. It hurt so badly, I couldn't even begin to describe it. Even if I could, I was too blinded by the pain to think straight. He pushed me into the wall, my face slamming into the wall. I'm pretty sure he broke my nose, too. I dropped to the floor, not able to move or breathe correctly. I thought he was done. I hoped he was done. I begged silently that he would be done. Then Cloud would come and help me. Cloud would save me from him. Cloud would protect me.

As if he could read my mind, this man let out another choked howl of laughter. "No one's coming to save you, boy! I must've really busted up your head! Who would come to save a worthless piece of shit like you?" He got all up in my face, pulling my hair again and making sure I was looking him right in the eyes. "No one loves you! Just die already! You'd be doing everyone a favor!" he spat. Legit spat, his spit got all over my face. It was nasty.

I knew he was wrong. People did love me. Dying would help no one. Cloud would care. Tifa would care. Vincent and Sephiroth would care. Marluxia and all my other friends would care.

Maybe even Axel would care.

This man kicked me back over to my sore back and straddled my waist again. He had the jagged knife again and used it to slash across my chest a few times. God, how the hell was I still conscious? My question pretty much was ignored when my vision started to get dark and fuzzy. Terror was still there, but the light in my sapphire orbs was depleting quickly. I didn't know how much longer I would last if this kept up. I was on the edge of light and darkness as the man bit the knife in between his teeth before flipping me back onto my stomach before grabbing the back of pants and a handful of my shirt before hauling me up, dangling me in the air.

My limbs and head hung in the air as this man walked me out of the room and into the hallway. He stood at the top of the staircase, dangling me over the top few steps. He was going to drop me down the stairs. He was going to kill me. Even if I had the energy, I dare not move and risk him dropping me any faster.

I felt his grip loosen a bit and I prepared myself for the fall when a huge slam interrupted him. He was startled and I thought he was going to drop me, but his grip only tightened. I couldn't hold out any longer. I was going to fade away. In my magical peripheral vision I saw a glimpse of fire. Fire? What? I heard voices, but they were so dull that I couldn't make out any words. Before I knew it, I was falling and more pain followed suit.

The last thing I remember is the odd yet familiar feeling of safety before I was once again taken by the darkness.

* * *

**Damn, I didn't know I could be so violent .n.;;  
Sorry this took so long. Blah school. Blah life. Blah sick. Blah everything. Bluh.  
Anyway, I really am proud of this chapter .u. My favorite one so far~  
I've been working on the next one in school. Y'know, instead of doing work. Cuz work is boring. And I'm like, halfway through it on paper.  
So I should have the next one up quicker and you guys don't have to wait too long :3  
Then again.  
I could always be a bitch and say no update till some reviews come in :| ...  
Lol, no. I'm not that mean xD But reviews would seriously make me type faster! Please? Pretty please? -cute grin smirk thing-? xD**

**Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura**


	6. Give And Take

When Axel walked by Roxas's house, he didn't know what he expected to happen. He knew Roxas wasn't there. Roxas wouldn't even talk to him anymore. So what was he doing there? God, what Axel wouldn't give just to have Roxas listen. But no. He didn't even deserve that chance. He fucked up far too much for that.

Axel turned his attention back to the sidewalk and away from the place that caused his… friend so much pain. He let out a deep breath he didn't realize he was holding before starting to walk again. He was just about to turn the corner when someone stopped him.

"What exactly were you doing?"

Fuck.

Axel turned around to face his lost lover's best friend, Cloud. Axel smirked, shoving his now shaking hands in his jacket pockets. He really didn't want to deal with Cloud right now. "Nothing, really. What's it to you, Strife?"

"You know, you're a real douche. Do you know how much pain you've caused Roxas?" Cloud spat, his arms crossed and his eyes glaring death at Axel's. Axel had to play it off like it was no big deal. He had to. He couldn't risk Cloud finding out the truth. He stayed silent, dulling his eyes as if he were bored out of his mind. Unfortunately, Cloud got even more pissed.

He stomped up to Axel, fisting the front of his shirt and making sure that Axel looked him in the eye. "The only reason I'm not ripping you apart right now is because of Roxas. For some reason he still finds your pathetic life meaningful or some bullshit like that," Cloud growled. Axel was actually a bit terrified of this side of Cloud, but he pulled through and kept up the "I don't give a fuck" façade.

"Roxas told me the reason you broke his heart. All I'm gonna say is that that is the most _retarded_ reason to break up with someone that I've ever heard! And how could you think something like that about Roxas and me? He's my _best friend_ and I happily have a girlfriend! You're just too much of a dumbass to see that!" Cloud was practically shouting, his knuckles turning white from how tightly he was gripping Axel's shirt. The other was shaking terribly, as If he was seriously holding back from punching Axel's nose into his skull.

Axel, no longer caring if Cloud noticed, placed his also trembling hand on top of Cloud's, silently telling him to let go of his shirt. "I was wrong. I know that. But I don't plan on explaining myself, least of all to you," Axel whispered. Cloud was about to ask why the hell not when they heard a blood churning scream coming from the direction of Roxas's house. Cloud and Axel shared the same look of fear as Cloud released Axel's shirt and bolted to Roxas's house, Axel right behind him.

Cloud jiggled the door for a second before he realized it was locked. He yelled at Axel to give him a hand and together the rammed their shoulders at the door a few times before it flung open, making both boys fall on the ground. There was another strained scream coming from the top of the stairs. Axel quickly got up and ran to the stairs, Cloud still on the ground holding his shoulder.

At the top of the stairs was Roxas, his eyes half lidded, but filled with absolute terror all the same. His father held Roxas by the back of his blood stained, shredded shirt and the back of his jeans as Roxas was being dangled over the stairs. His shirt dripped blood next to his father's shoes and looked like it couldn't support Roxas in the air for much longer. Roxas's father held an oddly jagged knife in between his teeth as he smirked at Axel, chuckling as he rocked Roxas back before letting go and throwing him down the stairs.

Roxas's limp body tumbled down the stairs and Axel moved so that he caught the blonde as he reached the bottom of the staircase. He cradled the mattered boy in his arms, pushing his blood damped bangs out of his bruised face. His eye was already blackened and his nose was bent to the side a bit – it must've been broken. The blonde was conscious and alive, but just barely. His torso had multiple deep cuts and what was visible of his skin was far more pale than usual. His forearms had many smaller cuts, but deep all the same. Axel looked a bit closer and saw that some of the cuts were actually words carved into his skin. _'How could his own father do this…?' _Axel wondered in shock.

"A… xel…" he heard an extremely strained voice choke out. Axel looked down and noticed that indeed, Roxas was still awake.

"Roxas, I'm here. Don't talk, okay?" Axel was too distraught over Roxas to notice the sadistic and murderous father standing atop the staircase. He was about to pick Roxas up when his head was shoved down into the blonde's chest. Roxas didn't even twitch. He must've finally passed out.

"Dumbass! Pay attention!" Cloud shouted, letting go of Axel's head. Axel sat up and looked at cloud, but he was already gone. Cloud had sprinted up the stairs, pulling out his own knife and taking Roxas's father head on. Axel then noticed that the man didn't have his knife and briefly wondered where it went. He turned around and saw the knife's bent tip embedded in the wall behind him. _'The bastard threw a knife at my head!'_ Now Axel was pissed.

He was about to jump into the fray himself when he heard another small wheeze come from the small boy in his arms. He didn't have time to waste on beating the ever loving shit out of the boy's father; no matter how much he wanted to. Axel heard a loud _thump_ that brought him out of his short debate.

"Hurry your ass up and get Roxas the fuck out here!" Axel heard Cloud order. The man had Cloud pinned to the floor, straddling his hips and holding Cloud's knife to his neck. Cloud was trying to hold the knife back, but blood was dripping down his head and he looked like he was going to pass out any moment now.

"But Cloud -!" Axel tried to protest, still not exactly sure what to do.

"I swear, if you even _think_ about coming up here, I'll kill you right now! Go!" Cloud wasn't going to last much longer. It was now or never. Axel looked back to Roxas who was already passed out and seriously needed help. Axel didn't want to leave Cloud with Roxas's psychotic father, but he needed to get Roxas out of there _now_.

"Don't die on me, Strife1" Axel finally called back, picking the unconscious blonde in his arms up and heading for the door. If he could just get far enough, then he could safely call for an ambulance. Axel started running down the street in the general direction of the hospital so that it wouldn't take much too long for it to come to their aid.

Axel ran for about two and a half blocks before he deemed it far enough so that if Cloud couldn't hold the man off, then it would take a good deal of time for the man to catch up to him. He set Roxas in a patch of grass, checking for a pulse as he pulled out his phone and dialed 911. The signal in this area was weak so it took a few annoying moments for the call to go through.

"911, what's your emergency?" the woman on the other end answered.

"Help! Roxas is dying and Cloud is being attacked and could be dead _now_! _Please_!" Axel pleaded to the woman, Roxas's pulse growing weaker and weaker.

"Please calm down, sir. Can you tell me where your friends are?" she asked in a controlled tone.

"Uhm, I'm at… Paupu Way and Destiny Street with Roxas and Cloud is at 813 Kingdom Boulevard," Axel said. "Please hurry!"

"An ambulance will be at yours and your friend's locations soon. Help is on the way, don't worry." Axel unzipped his jacket and pressed it to Roxas's chest in a weak attempt to soak up the blood. He was trying so hard to go into a panic attack. He just couldn't lose Roxas! Not now! Not when there was still a chance!

"Axel? Just stay by Roxas's side and make sure he's still breathing. He's lucky, y'know. To have someone care about him and save him, I mean. So don't worry, okay?" she said comfortingly. She must've had practice and was just saying that to keep Axel from cracking, but it was something Axel needed to hear – real or not.

"O… Okay," Axel said in a shaky voice, saying thank you and hanging up the phone. He took small but deep breaths, calming down a bit even though he was still scared and worried out of his mind. He just kept telling himself that Roxas wasn't going to die. He couldn't die. It helped, but only a little bit.

Axel dared to take another look at Roxas's face. His skin was far more pale than normal and blood leaked out of his nose. Someone like Roxas never deserved this kind of treatment. He was so sweet, and caring, and smart, and… he was just so perfect. Axel was nothing compared to Roxas. He didn't deserve this wonderful boy. Axel was just the idiot who hurt him. The absolute moron who caused more unnecessary problems for the already plenty troubled angel. He was such a dick.

"Roxas… I'm so sorry… You have no idea how sorry I am… Please…" Axel whispered, his shoulders bouncing as he sobbed and held onto Roxas's freezing hand. He leaned forward, his lips hovering just over the blonde's. Roxas was still thankfully breathing, but it was barely noticeable. Axel thought better of himself and simply rested his forehead on Roxas's. "Please be okay…"

Just as he whispered his plea, Axel heard a siren blare from down the street. He looked up and was ecstatic to see that it was finally the ambulance coming to their rescue. The vehicle pulled up to the two boys and several men hopped out and rushed over to Roxas's side. "What are your names?" one of the men asked, checking Roxas's pulse.

"His name is Roxas Oblivion and I'm Axel Pyro. Is there another ambulance at the other address I gave now?" Axel asked as he hesitantly moved to the side so the paramedics could do their job.

"Yes they should be there now. Your friend is going to be fine, son. My name is Saix, can you tell me what happened, Axel?" he asked, taking away Axel's jacket to see the damage.

"His-his father abuses him… He attacked Roxas. Our friend, Cloud, held him off while I got Roxas away… But I don't know what happened to Cloud after that…" Axel stuttered, starting to shake with fear as tears continued to pour out of his emerald eyes. He stopped when he felt a hand grab his shoulder.

"You did the right thing, Axel," Saix said as he motioned for the other men to get a gurney. "Roxas still has a chance and he wouldn't have had that if you didn't get him out. Don't think for a second that you made the wrong decision." Saix smiled at him before turning back to help load Roxas onto the gurney. They hopped into the back of the ambulance and headed for the hospital, Axel not letting go of Roxas's hand the entire way.

* * *

Shortly after arriving at the hospital, Roxas was rushed off to get his chest patched up. His hand looked messed up, too, so that was probably being looked at. Axel was forced to sit in the waiting room. He didn't know if Cloud was there or not, but he was extremely worried for both blondes. He sat impatiently in the poorly padded chairs, his hands clasped over a paper cup of water and his leg quickly bouncing up and down on the ground.

It wasn't until another twenty minutes or so that the doors slammed open and a gurney holding a bloody blonde was pushed through. "Cloud!" Axel only caught a glimpse of him before the doctors pushed him back, but he could tell Cloud was in really bad shape. He had a deep black eye and his head and neck was wrapped in already dirty gauze. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth but blood was covering the inside. His shirt was gone and his torso was also starting to bruise. _'What the hell did that bastard do?!'_

"You're the one who called 911, correct?" someone asked as Cloud vanished behind another set of doors. Axel turned around to face a doctor who looked like a little girl. She was probably much older than Axel, but her height alone had him thinking otherwise. She was about as tall as Roxas and had almost the exact same color eyes as him but was a bit darker. She also had really short, thin black hair.

"Axel Pyro, right?" she asked again. Axel nodded his head and she smiled; kind of creeping him out. "My name is Xion Oathkeeper and I'm the doctor in charge of both Cloud and Roxas's cases," she said. "I'm… I'm also Roxas's cousin."

Axel looked shocked. Roxas never talked about his family so Axel didn't know anything about any relatives. Let alone that they lived so close! Roxas's father must've kept him in the dark about his own family.

"I wanted to thank you personally for saving him. You see, I played a lot with Roxas when he was little, but his dad started keeping him locked off and in the dark about his family after his mom died. His dad told us that Roxas got sick from the shock and that him seeing anyone would only make it worse…" Xion had this distant look in her eyes with a glint of sadness, regret, anger, and hatred. "But now I know what that bastard did to Roxas…! I'll never forgive him!" she growled between clenched teeth. Axel was slightly afraid she was going to bite his hand off or something.

"…You're welcome, but… I really don't deserve any thanks…" Axel mumbled, gripping his shaking arm and smiling sadly. He really didn't deserve it, especially not from someone who cared about Roxas that much. He hurt Roxas, too, after all. Xion took Axel's much larger hand in hers and smiled up at him.

"Whatever happened, Axel, I'm sure Roxas will forgive you. He was never one to hold grudges. Besides, he kind of owes you now," Xion giggled. Axel actually smiled a bit himself before giggles bubbled up inside him. It wasn't long before the both of them were practically rolling on the floor laughing their asses off at nothing in particular. It felt good. After all the shit that had happened in the past week, especially past hour or so, it was nice to just let it all out with a nice laugh.

After getting a few dirty looks and several complaints to "shut the hell up", they calmed down enough to move off to the side to talk more privately. "Now, Axel, there's something I wanted to discuss with you," she said a bit more seriously. But, of course, whatever it was would have to wait. A nurse came running down the hall, almost running right into Axel.

"Dr. Oathkeeper! It's the Oblivion boy! We don't have enough of his blood type to get anything done properly!" he explained, panting a bit but talking as fast as he could.

"What!? But this is a hospital, shouldn't you have enough for something like this!?" Axel shouted, enraged as he fisted the nurse's jacket and lifted him off his feet.

"Th-there was a bus crash an hour ago and many people were injured! All the blood went to helping those people! We can't get any more until the hospital from downtown can send some over!" the nurse stuttered, grasping Axel's wrists to keep from slipping out of his shirt.

"What about Roxas?! What's going to happen to them now?!" There was a chance. A pretty good fucking chance that Roxas would have been fine. Everything could have been just fine! But now the chances of things going back to normal were pretty slim. _'This… This can't be happening!'_ Axel felt another, much smaller and softer hand touch his arm. For one stupid moment, Axel believed it to be Roxas.

"Axel, let him down please," she quietly said. Axel took another deep breath, calming down a bit and releasing the nurse. There was just something about Xion that made him want to keep her happy. He wasn't sure if he liked that or not. "Nurse, what about Cloud?"

"He should be fine. There wasn't too much damage besides his throat. He won't be able to talk for a while, that's for sure," he informed.

"Okay… For now, we need to get Roxas blood. Look into how many staff members can donate blood to him. It's what we'll have to settle for, for now." The nurse nodded, quickly rushing off to do as he was told. Xion turned back to Axel, determination burning in her eyes. "Axel, I swear I will save him," she promised. Xion had a certain kind of fire, not only in her eyes and words, but simply in the way she acted. It was that flame that told Axel he could trust her.

But Roxas needed blood _now_. There was no way that nurse was going to be able to go through every single staff member and pick out the few needed in such a short time. Roxas just didn't have that kind of time. _'There's got to be a way to at least buy some time… That's it!'_ Axel turned to Xion, rolling up his sleeve and extending his arm out to her.

"Give him my blood."

"W-What? Axel, I just can't -!"

"Then get my record or something! Roxas and I have the same blood type! I can do this! …Please," Axel begged. He knew he could only give so much, but it was better than nothing. Xion still seemed hesitant, but Axel knew she understood.

Xion led him to Roxas's room, but stopped him before he could go inside. "I want you to promise me you won't go into shock or something when you see Roxas. He needs you right now and seriously can't afford to lose you. And I'm sure you don't want to let him die," she bluntly said. This was serious and Xion was in no need for some idiot who just wants to play hero. Roxas needed someone who could actually _be_ a hero. "I couldn't be there for Roxas before, but you can be _damn sure_ I'm gonna protect him now," she added.

Axel had a feeling that Xion's threat was far from empty. But he was determined not to back down. He was going to save Roxas, whether the blonde ever forgave him or not. Roxas didn't deserve to die. Axel wasn't going to let him. He showed that exact determination in his own eyes and, like Axel, it was that spark that had Xion also trusting the red-head.

Xion nodded, turning to open the door before it swung open and several doctors came rushing out, completely disregarding Xion and Axel and running off down the hall. Axel peered his head around the doorway and he actually did almost go into shock or something. The only thing that stopped him was Xion's hand grasping his own, silently reminding him of his promise.

Roxas was covered in bandages and was hooked up to many machines. The blood in his hair was long since dried and it stained it almost black. Axel felt like he was going to puke, at the very least. He didn't know that a person could look so… broken.

The same man who had hopped out of the ambulance, Saix, walked over to Axel and Xion. He seemed really pissed about something. "Dr. Oathkeeper, what are you doing bringing him back here?! Roxas can't have visitors right now, you know that!" he scolded.

"I know that quite well, Dr. Berserker. Hook this boy up to Roxas and give him his blood," she instructed. Saix pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance before grabbing Axel's wrist and dragging him over to Roxas's bed side. He fed a needle into Axel's arm and connecting the other end into Roxas's arm. Axel's blood started flowing out of his body and into Roxas's and Axel smiled.

Saix sighed and fell back onto a chair se t up next to Axel and shooed everyone else out. Roxas would be fine now. "Just stay there for a minute or so and then I'll patch it up. Make sure you drink lots of water after this and don't walk around too much, alright?" Axel nodded in understanding.

"You're not gonna ask why Xion just barged in and had me give Roxas blood?" Axel curiously asked.

"Dr. Oathkeeper and I go way back to before we even entered medical school. I trust her more than anybody. Besides, she's far better at judgment than I am. I believe in her," he stated. Wow. Axel wished he could have something like that. He wished he could trust someone that well. He… he wished Roxas would trust him like that. But he already did. And Axel ruined it. There was no way he was ever going to fix those wounds. A little blood can only go so far.

* * *

**Told ya I'd have it done faster :3 Been writing this out since the first day of school~**  
**I know this seems kind of rushed, and I apologize for it.  
I also honestly couldn't think of anything for the very end and the last 400 or so words were completely lost to me.. so that's why it's a bit shorter, too **^^;  
**But fear not! I'll be compensating by making the next and FINAL chapter much much longer! My goal is at least, 5-6,000 words ^^**  
**Hopefully I can pull it off with what I have planned. **  
**Either way, it's going to be a ridiculously long chapter~ So look forward to it!**

**Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura  
**


	7. Burying the Past

Maybe I should just give up. I'm already half way there. What good would it do to go back, anyway? Thoughts like that continuously linger in my head. I'm floating on my back in a sea of darkness; not a shard of light anywhere, yet I can see perfectly. At this moment, I have two options. Either I sink back to the dreaded reality, or float off into oblivion. Heh, my name finally makes sense.

I'm sinking deeper and deeper, the darkness desperately dragging me under. I don't even bother struggling, simply accepting my fate. Usually, I would be much stronger than this. I _know_ I could be stronger than this. But he did it. He yanked my last bit of strength away. I hope he's finally proud of me. I hope he's proud he broke me.

I am almost there. A few more seconds and "Roxas Oblivion" will no longer exist. I smile to myself. Finally, I will have peace. No more pain, no more secrets, no more lies. Nothing but silence and solitude. I'm still connected to my body and can feel my life slipping slowly away from it. It's a strange sensation, but it is oddly soothing for my final moments. I must've been moved to a hospital.

"Roxas!"

What? Who was calling me? Who _can_ call me while I'm here? How am I even able to hear that?

"Roxas, please!"

That voice is really familiar. I know it, but I'm too far gone to attempt to match it to a face or name. Then again, does it really matter at this point? I dont think so, so I try to ignore it.

"Roxas, you can't leave! Please! I… I love you!"

Wait, what? No! Shut up! No one can love me! You're lying!

"I know you can hear me! I love you, Roxas! Please! _Wake up!_"

Please, no! It's a waste of time! Just let me go! The darkness is beginning to slip away from me, but I can't let it leave! I couldn't go back there! I am screaming at the darkness to come back and just take me away, reaching with all I have for it. It's just out of my reach! I am getting farther and farther away from it, being pulled back into the light. No!

My real eyes shoot open, but instead of the bright ass light like I expected, I am met with a familiar set of acidic emerald eyes. The eyes shimmer with absolute joy as their owner lets out a half sigh-giggle noise. I don't even. He wrapa me up in his arms, practically crushing me. I can feel hot tears on my shoulder.

"Roxas! Thank god! I-I thought I was about to lose you!" He cries into my shoulder. I look around the room into the worried and relieved faces of my friends. Cloud is in a wheelchair and is holding back tears while his mother freely weeps on his shoulder. Mr. Strife smirks at me before leaving the room. Marluxia, Vincent, and Sephiroth were there, too, but they're good at hiding how they feel.

"Axel, air would be nice," I mumble, my chest and arms hurting when I weakly try to push his lean frame off of me. That's when I notice my arm is in a cast. Fuck. He apologizes and backs up a bit, but still sat on the edge of the bed.

"Roxas, I'm so – " No. I don't want to hear anything from him. Not right now, at least.

"Are you two okay?" I ask, cutting Axel off. He looks a little hurt from it, but he nods all the same as he disconnects his gaze from mine. Cloud nods, too. Mrs. Strife comes over to the other side of my bed, petting my bangs back and kissing me on the forehead. Tears are still in her eyes and I feel bad about being the cause of them.

"Baby, how are you doing? Can I get you anything?" She asks sweetly. I cringe a bit as she calls me 'baby'. My own mother used to act like this when I got hurt or sick. They are so similar that it makes me want to cry. I'm frozen in place for a moment when I feel someone grab my hand, reminding me there are other people in the room. I look over to see Axel's hand gently placed over mine, barely hovering over it, really, but there all the same.

I'm really tired, but I'm slightly afraid I'll slip away again, so I shake my head. "No, I'm fine. I would like some answers, though. What happened?"

"Okay, hun. I'll let Cloud and Axel explain. If you need anything, I'm here for you, okay?" She smiles. She rubbed my cheek once more before leaving. Vincent, Marluxia, and Sephiroth gave me 'get well's and such before following suit.

"Just want to make sure, but… you… you didn't forget anything this time, did you?" Cloud timidly asks, letting out a sigh of relief when I say no. Axel also seems to calm down immensely. "That's great. Well… how to put this…"

"Basically, your dad went bat-shit crazy and we got you out." Axel is still avoiding eye contact and his hand is no longer over mine.

"That man is _not _my father," I snarl, glaring at nothing in particular. I don't want anyone referring to me as that _scum's_ offspring.

"Axel, tell him," Cloud said. Why can't he do it himself?

"No, and you better not, either," Axel growled at Cloud. He stands up, says he's going to get a coffee or something, and leaves. And then there are two.

"You're gonna tell me anyway, right?" I ask Cloud. I feel bad for pretty much ignoring Axel. But just a little.

"Duh." I smile.

"The bastard threw you down the stairs and Axel caught you, which you probably saw," He starts. This is obviously gonna take a while, so I get myself comfortable in the shit hospital bed.

"He had a knife and pulled his arm back and I saw he was aiming for Axel's head, so I made him duck before he got stabbed in the face. Then I shot up the stairs and pulled out Buster Sword," Which was a knife Cloud got when he was twelve from his dad, "and aimed for his vitals. I missed and he grabbed my wrist and pinned it behind my back making me drop Buster Sword.

"He rammed my head into the adjacent wall and my head started bleeding." Cloud lifted up his bangs to show me a bandage firmly wrapped around his skull. Ow. "He then kicked the back of my knees and I dropped. Then he pinned me to the ground and picked up Buster Sword and tried to slit my throat. But me, being the awesome fighter that I am, grabbed his arm and blocked it just in time," He smirked proudly at his own skills. He is such a goof.

"I took a risk to glance over at Axel and he looked like he was going to drop you at any second to come to my aid. Couldn't have that, now could we? I convinced him to get your ass out of there and he did. Though a few seconds earlier would have been _lovely_," He mentions, sending a quick glare to the door Axel has recently exited.

"He aimed for my neck again, but I jerked my knee up and caught him in the jewels before he could." I chuckled at that. "He dropped Buster Sword, so I picked it up and tried to make my way to the stairs. But the bastard grabbed my ankle at the last second and I, too, fell down the stairs. Damn, that really hurt. I couldn't even move. He limped down the stairs, intent to kill glaring in his eyes. It… It was actually really scary.

"And that was when the cops showed up and…" Cloud finishes, his sentence trailing off. It takes him a few moments for him to speak again. "He was seriously about to kill me! And the cops were just protecting me! Roxas… Roxas, your father's dead."

Something inside me snapa. I know Cloud is telling the truth – Cloud _never_ lies to me – but I can tell there is still a part of me that wants to deny it. That part needs to go away. I'm too busy silently rejoicing in the fact that he is gone. He is finally gone! I actually start _laughing_ I'm so happy right now!

Actually, it is really funny. All that shit I put up with – all the shit I came to know as "normal" – all of it. It's all over! My whole life is going to be different now! No more pain, no more suffering, no more fucking anything! I just can't stop laughing at that!

I feel a hand grab my shoulder, but I'm too far gone to see who it is. Frankly, I didn't really care all that much. I am too busy relishing in those three lovely words. _"Your father's dead."_ That's probably the best news I have ever gotten in my whole life!

"Roxas!" I abruptly stop laughing. Axel came back and he and Cloud look like they just saw me kick a puppy into traffic. Am… am I that scary or something? How can that be? Am I scary when I'm happy? "Roxas… Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm okay…" I mumble, blushing and not making contact with either of my friends. Yeah – they definitely think I'm crazy.

Axel smirks at me and ruffles my hair. "That's good. I thought you'd take that a lot worse." Aaaaaand they are back to confusing me again. I swear they make it their personal goal in life to constantly do that or something. I don't even fucking know.

"Wait, so you don't think I'm crazy?"

"Well, we all are a little crazy, aren't we?" Axel smirks. I smile. Maybe Axel isn't a _total_ douche… Oh!

"Uhm… So… Axel, Cloud, I… I don't think…"

"Roxas, don't," Axel stops me. He gives me a serious stare along with Cloud. "Don't you dare apologize to us. We chose to put ourselves at risk because we care about you. You may not believe me when I say I do… but, still." I was shocked.

"That's… nice. But not what I was going to say." Now it's their turn to be shocked. Ha. "I was going to thank you," I smile, then mumble; "And… I'm sorry I didn't stop this sooner…"

"Axel, smack him for me." Axel lightly smacks my arm, putting almost no effort in it. Cloud rolls his eyes. "Roxas, what's done is done. I'm just glad you're alive and he's not," He says, referring to the scum. I beam at him, holding my arms open for a hug despite the cast. Cloud rolls his chair over and I leaned over to hug my best friend.

"I love you, Cloud."

"Love you, too, Blondie." I smack him playfully for that. I hate being called 'Blondie', but there are a few people I will allow it for. "Alright, so we need to get going soon, but there's one more thing I need to ask you before we do."

"Shoot." Ha, I'm so funny.

"My parents… they… they want to become your guardians, Roxas. We want you to be an official part of our family," He smiles; hope shining in his equally blue eyes. Oh my god! I don't even need a moment to think!

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! A million times, yes!" Cloud is already like a brother to me – why not make it official? Cloud's smile grew so much that his cheeks just _have_ to be hurting. I hug him tightly again, mindful of our wounds, before he rolls away to tell his (soon to be our) parents my answer. I am so happy right now that there is nothing that could possibly ruin it.

"Congrats, Roxas." Oh, yeah. Axel is still here…. Fuck.

"Thanks," I mumble. Axel takse a seat next to me and we sit for a few moments in awkward, yet comfortable, silence. At least, until the overwhelming silence becomes too much for me and I break it. Then again, I probably could pick a better topic to start with besides; "Axel, why exactly did you break up with me?" Yeah, I'm the master of conversation.

He looks dumbfounded for a moment as he realized what exactly I've asked. "There _is_ a better reason, Roxas. A real reason. Honestly, the one I gave you was just an excuse."

"Why use an excuse at all? Why not tell me the truth?" Axel, why are you so damn confusing?

"You remember Larxene, right?" I nod. "Okay, well. We've been friends for years. My parents are _very_ religious. They don't even know I'm gay, and I don't plan on ever telling them. That's…" He stops. His hands are clasped tightly together over his lap and are shaking a bit. I can tell that, for him, telling me all this means something he isn't sure he's ready for. I reach over and put my hand over his, letting him know with my eyes that it's okay. He smiles.

"Larxene said if I didn't break up with you and start dating her then she would tell my parents…" He admits. "Roxas, I'm so sorry!" He exclaims, quickly hiding his face in his tense hands. "I'm so, so sorry I'm such a coward! I can't seem to do anything right and just – fuck!"

"Axel…" He's so distraught and it pains me to see him like this. I've always seen Axel as someone strong and unwavering. But now I see that some people aren't as strong as we think they are.

"If I only told Larxene to fuck off then none of this wouldn't have happened! It's all my fault, Roxas!" His fingers grip his crimson spikes tightly, almost ripping them out at the roots. I put my hand over his, not wanting those lovely threads to leave his head. He looks up to me, tears leaking freely from his emerald eyes, while sympathy is laced in my own.

"Axel, what's done is done," I say, quoting Cloud. "I, in no way, blame you for anything. I understand that you were just scared and didn't want to lose your family. The choices I made were mine and mine alone and what happened was that bastard's fault, not yours. It's okay, Axel. I promise." My hand has found its way onto Axel's soft cheek, caressing it. My thumb tracs the thin outline of the tear drop tattoos on his face lightly, catching a few small tears that still flow. I smile warmly at Axel, hoping that he will stop blaming himself. It hurts so much to see him like this.

"Roxas…" He whispers. He finally smiles back, placing his hand on top of mine and turns his head to kiss my palm. I blush and he smirks, letting out a small laugh of amusement. "Thank you. I know I don't deserve you, but… Roxas, can we, at least, be friends? You know, just start over?" He asks hopefully.

I smile back, the blush still on my face. "Sure, Axel. I'd like that."

* * *

I spent a few more days in the hospital – mostly just to make sure I was mentally stable or some shit like that. I don't even. Anyway, I've decided to start moving the rest of my stuff from my house into Cloud's. I don't want anything to do with this house anymore, so I've decided to sell it. It's mine when I turned 18 in a few months, anyway.

Axel and I have been spending a lot of time together, too. He's been helping me catch up on homework, cleaning and unpacking. Or sometimes he'll come over and we will just hang out and watch a movie or something. I like how it's not awkward with him anymore. I missed this feeling of just being with Axel and knowing I could trust him. I'm happy I could be his friend again and I'm happy I don't hate him or vice versa.

Finally, it seems like luck is on my side. Six weeks later, my cast has finally come off. All of our wounds are now officially healed. Well, at least on the physical end they were.

I'm lying in my bed, headphones in my ears and blasting "Let Love Bleed Red" by Sleeping With Sirens. I know Axel still likes me. I know he is just waiting for me. I know that, but… I'm not sure about my own feelings. Do I still like Axel? Or did my feelings die when he dumped me? I know it wasn't his fault, and I totally understand… It seems that my mind has forgiven him for hurting me, but my heart hasn't. I just don't know what to believe in anymore, it seems…

I hear someone knock over my headphones, but I'm simply too lazy to get the door. I hear it open and someone walk in and feel them sit on the edge of my bed. They shake my shoulder a bit, wondering if I am awake or not. "What?" I bitterly ask, pulling an earbud out and sitting up a bit to glare at whoever has invaded my space.

"I was just gonna ask you something," Axel says, raising his hands in defense as I blush in embarrassment. Who else would just waltz into my room? "But I guess I'll ask later." He stands up with the intent to leave but, for some reason, I grab his wrist – effectively stopping the red head.

"W-What is it?" I ask, still blushing and not making eye contact with him. Why am I blushing? Make up your mind, emotions! You're getting pretty damn confusing!

"I-It's nothing, I promise. Just go back to sleep, okay?"

"I-I need to talk to you…" I admit. There is something I just remembered that's bothering me and I… I just needed clarity.

"About?" I let his wrist slip from my grasp, returning my hands to my lap as I sit up and cross my legs. I pat the space of bed next to me, inviting Axel to sit down – which he does.

"Do you remember when I almost died at the hospital?" A flash of pain crosses his eyes before he looks away from me.

"It's not a time I like to remember, honestly… But yeah, I do. Why?"

"You… I heard your voice. It was what pulled me back. More specifically, it was what you said. Do… Do you remember what it was?" He blushes heavily, giving me all the answer I need. "I'm not mad at you for it or anything… I-I just… I need to know if you meant that or not."

Axel told me he loved me. But then not even an hour later he told me we were just friends. I'm getting tired of not only my emotions confusing me, but also the person those emotions concern. It's getting really tiring and I just want to know what the hell is going through the red head's mind for once.

"Roxas…" he sighs. "To be honest, I was totally serious when I said that. I've loved you for a while now and when I thought I was gonna lose you, all that was running through my mind was 'I have to tell him! I can't let him go without telling him!'" He admits, complete seriousness in his voice. Not one word is a lie.

"Axel…" Well, that's settled. Guess it's my turn now. "The past few weeks… They've honestly been the best days ever. I just feel so… calm around you. Like just your presence soothes me. I've never felt like this with anyone else – not even Cloud. I've thought about it a lot, and… I think I love you, too, Axel." I smile to him, but he looks shocked instead of happy. Why? "Axel, what's wrong? I just told you I love you," I repeate.

"I-I know," He stutters. "It's just… Are you sure? I mean, I'm really super happy! You honestly don't know how happy you just made me, Roxas!" He quickly covers up. Smooth. "It's just… After all that shit that happened… I would've thought you'd want nothing more to do with me as a boyfriend. Are you sure you want me, is what I'm asking."

"Axel, I'm pretty sure I've told you this before," I smiles. I take his hand in mine and scoot a bit closer to him, our knees touching. "I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't sure."

He smiles, leaning his head a bit to rest his forehead on mine. Blue meets emerald as we silently just sit here with each other's company. He brings his familiar warm hand to rest on my cheek as my thumb starts lightly rubbing his other hand. Our breathing mixes slightly and I just find this to be really relaxing. We're like that for maybe five minutes before Axel breaks the silence again.

"Roxas, I want to try something. Is that okay?" He blushes, backing up a bit to look me clearly in the eye. "You can just tell me to stop if I do something you don't like. I promise I'll stop if you say so, Roxas." I'm really… actually; I don't even know how I', supposed to react to this. But… I do trust Axel. And I know he wouldn't do anything I don't like. So I nod my head.

Axel leans forward, his lips hovering just over mine and his eyes closed. He presses them to mine softly as my eyes also shut. It was just that – that feeling of Axel's lips on my own – that makes this moment way too good to be true.

He backes up a bit and smiles at me, both of us blushing like crazy. "Was-Was that okay?" He whispers, his lips are still close to mine. I answer by pressing my lips back to his and putting a hand on the back of his neck to pull him closer towards me. I feel him smile before he kisses me back, pushing me back down onto the bed.

I lift my legs back onto the bed as Axel put his knees on either side of my hips and hoveres over me. He kisses my cheek before asking me if it's okay again. "Axel, just shut up and kiss me."

He smirks and kisses me again, going slow at first. Then I feel him lick my bottom lip. I debate for a second before I open my mouth a bit for him. He slips into my mouth and, oh my god, that is the best thing ever. I can feel him exploring my mouth and as his tongue hits mine, sparks just fly everywhere.

I lace my fingers through his oh-so soft crimson hair.

Axel's hand starts playing with the hem of my shirt before trailing his freakishly warm hand under it. I suddenly get very self-conscious and break the kiss unwillingly only to hide my eyes under my bangs. "Roxas, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" He asks, worried that he's scared me.

"No, no, Axel. I… I liked it. I liked it a lot, actually. I-I'm just really shy…" I blush, grabbing one of my throw pillows and hiding my face. His light laugh fills my ears, making me blush even more. God, this boy is going to be the death of me.

He tugs on the pillow, but I keep it firmly pressed to my face. I don't want him making fun of how much I'm embarrassed. "Roxas, c'mon. It's not fair to hide that pretty face from me," He teases. I let my grip on the pillow loosen just a bit, but it's enough for Axel to yank it away from me.

"Dammit, Axel!" I shout, sitting up. He's still hovering over me, though, so I end up head-butting him. I fall back on the bed, grabbing my head, as Axel leans back a bit, also grabbing his head and letting out a groan of pain.

"Ow, dammit, Roxas," He scolds, rubbing his forehead. "That really hurt! You okay?"

"Y-Yeah, sorry." I rub my forehead, starting to get a bit of a headache. "Can you reach into my drawer for the ibuprofen?" I ask, groaning in pain. I hate headaches the most. Axel nods, climbing over me to reach into the drawer on my nightstand.

As he's rummaging through the contents of it, I notice Axel's wearing a V-neck shirt and his neck's very… exposed. I can't resist it, so I prop myself up on my elbows a bit and place a small kiss right above his collarbone. He shudders a bit and freezes. I find it amazingly cute.

"R-Roxas?" He stutteres, closing the drawer with the pills in his hand.

"Hm?" I mumble, taking the bottle from him and letting a pill topple out onto my hand. I swallow it dry before capping the bottle and handing it back to Axel. Instead of reaching back over me to put it back, he simply sets it on the ground next to my bed. I smile a bit.

"Do you not want me to kiss you like that?" He askes, worry and a hint of sadness on his face.

I sit up more, but just enough so that I can reach Axel's neck. My hands are cold, so when they made contact with Axel's naturally warm skin, he shudders again. "I never said that, did I?" I smile reassuringly. "I-I just… I don't want you to see the scars again…" I mumble, my smile dropping as I avoid his eyes.

I'm back to wearing wristbands and long sleeve shirts since being discharged from the hospital. I regret every cut I gave myself, especially since I did it because of Axel. I've still yet to tell him and I'm pretty sure I never am going to. The scars and bruises from _that_ still have yet to fade and they just make me feel like shit. I can't even look at my own body in the mirror anymore. I just feel so dirty…

Axel lifts my chin up, making me look him in the eyes. "Roxas, your body is beautiful. I don't want you feeling like that anymore. I don't want you to feel like you aren't good enough because you're more than that to me. To me, you're my everything, Roxas. I'm just sorry I didn't fully realize this sooner. I don't care about the scars, Roxas. I don't care about your past. The Roxas that's right here in front of me is all that I do and ever will care about."

I break my chin free from Axel's grasp and throw my arms around his neck, burying my nose in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He's shocked for a moment, but wraps his arms around my waist, using one of his hands to gently stroke my spine. "Axel… Axel, I feel the same way… I-I really love you, Axel," I cry, clinging to his neck. He turns his head and pecks my cheek, smiling and nuzzling into my face.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that, Roxas…" He whispers. He places a kiss on my neck, making me let out a small squeak of surprise. He chuckles, making me blush again, as he attacks my neck with kisses.

He slowly lead me back onto the bed, lips still attached to my neck. My hands find their way back to his hair where they pulled tightly as he nips me – probably leaving a hickey. Damn. "Axel, Cloud's gonna tease me if you put those where he can see them," I warn… okay, whine.

"I don't care. You're mine and I want everyone to know that," He says possessively. I blush again – damn, I'm doing a lot of blushing – as he returns his lips to mine, immediately transforming our once innocent kiss into a heated make out session.

We battle for dominance for a moment, but Axel easily wins. His hands roam over my still covered chest as mine get lost in his mess of spikes. He tries again at getting under my shirt and this time I let him. I sit up a bit as he tugs the shirt over my head and tosses it across the room. He looks absolutely stunned by my bruised and scarred torso. I'm getting really nervous again and try to cover myself up. Axel grabs my wrists, pinning them above my head. "Roxas, what did I just say? You're beautiful. Please don't try to hide it from me."

"O-Okay… But I'm not gonna be the only one naked." Axel smirks, crossing his arms and grabbing the bottom of his shirt before pulling it over his head.

Oh. My. God.

I just died. How in the hell did I get a boyfriend _this hot_?! He clearly had muscle, but not enough that you could call him 'ripped', since he's still skinny as hell. I just – wow. How did I even, though.

"What?" He asks, blushing himself as he catches me gaping at him.

"You're really hot," I smile. He smiles, too, and leans over me again. He slowly let his lips get closer to mine until –

"Roxas, Axel, what do you guys – woah! Uhm!" Cloud, you damn cockblock! He barges into my room to find us both without shirts and Axel looming over me. Not a pretty sight to walk in seeing, especially since I'm his best friend. Super awkward.

Axel pushes off me, almost falling over the end of the bed, as I back up into the headboard. Cloud blushes, blinking a few times before just closing the door slowly and leaving. Well then. How's that for a first kiss?

* * *

A week later, the date of the bastard's funeral is set. I'm dead set on not going, but Axel has convinced me otherwise. He says that it would be symbolic. Something like, it would mean more that he's being put in the ground and not me. I had to admit, it;s a pretty good argument.

So Axel, Cloud, and I have put on our best suits and left early morning Saturday for the funeral home. There isn't a showing of the body or anything, which I'm immensely grateful for. I don't know how I would have handled seeing him, even if he's dead. A few of my very distant relatives have shown up, but they simply gave me condolences for my loss before heading off to the bar for complimentary beers and wine. Damn free loaders.

After some drinks and greetings were exchanged, it was time to make speeches about the deceased. Not many people had much to say, considering they mostly knew him when he was a kid or in high school. One of my distant uncles had something to say about the bastard and my mother, which made my blood boil. Axel had to stop me from going up and punching my uncle, though. Boy, that would have made and awesome picture.

At first, I wasn't going to say anything. But I'm unfortunately his only direct family member, so I kind of have to. I have nothing prepared, but I'm the master at improvising.

I take a deep breath before starting my speech. "I know most of you expect me to say something nice about my father. Or possibly something like a childhood memory I'll always remember him for. Well I do, actually. I was about six when everything started. As some of you may know, that was the age I lost my mother.

"When that happened, my father had started carving that into every fiber of my being. So yes, there is something I will never forget about him; the fact that he took every bit of a childhood I could have ever had away and replaced it with nothing but pain and suffering. I will never forget it and I will never forgive him for what he's done."

I turn around and kick the side of the coffin, almost knocking it off the table before two people who probably worked there catch it. "See you in hell, Dad." I walk off the little stage, grabbing Axel and Cloud's hands as I drag them out of the building.

It's done. My past is being buried and I can finally move on. I have the best best friend I could ever ask for and the best, most wonderful boyfriend on the planet. Things are finally looking up and there is no way in hell I'm gonna let it escape me. I know with them by my side, I'll no longer be torn inside.

* * *

**IT'S DOOOOONE~ OH MY GOD I FINALLY FINISHED IT.  
Honestly, this probably would have been done A LOT faster if I just put a little more time into it. I just, I lost interest in it, basically. This is the longest fic I have ever written EVER, so. Yeah.  
Anyway, I want to thank everyone who has/will read this and those who have/will review and also those who favorite and subscribed to it. You all are awesome and virtual cookies for ALL~ I love you guys so much~!**

**My next story is "Being Yourself Sucks" which I adopted from the ever so amazing Elizabeth Anne19 and it will be the next big project so, check that out please! Reviews and such would be awesome!**

**Bye guys~ c:  
**

**Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura  
**


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